The Hardest Battle

“To be nobody-but-yourself — in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else — means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight.”

~ e. e. cummings

Here I explain how I assist in radical de-conditioning of what is not yours and uncovering authenticity and wholeness: https://www.elenanezhinsky.com/

We are wishing all Happy New 2020 Year!

Breakthrough

Don't you love breakthroughs? Most of you say yes. But we have to remember that before that is the most painful time, otherwise there would be no breakthrough, it would be gradual understanding. When you look back at your life, you will remember breakthroughs, they were highlights of your life. So when you are in an unbearable emotional pain, know that you are preparing, the pain is accelerating and amplifying suffering for the Breakthrough to clear it with the insight that will liberate your being from the grip of the mind's conditioning that causes the pain. Hang on there, friend.

How to find a way back to yourself

It takes time to completely re-wire the brain from the disempowered, being lost to yourself, conditioned into victimhood mind state. The most what is in the way is SHAME. Shame is so ingrained, it is the main reason why it takes time. You need time to let go of shame, and it is not easy! It's invaded the mind so deep. And also look around, the reality outside always matches the mind, it's like a mirror: you will see people around you who are keeping you in this mind state of shame, they will be ready to put you in your place, talking to you from the above, patronizing, and all other variations from extreme to the covertly hidden control to keep you where you are. Here is the trick of getting free.

You need to put others to rest, just deal with you and the oppression of the shame in your own mind, because when you clear that, the outside will clear itself too. And let me add here, "putting others to rest" doesn't mean to approve or disapprove them, it doesn't mean forgive or not, it doesn't mean anything, it only means that you withdraw your attention completely from them. As they do not exist (here where nondual view actually helps practically, if you ever was in a state of oneness you know how true this is on a existential level).

You withdraw your attention and put it all back HOME, within your own being. If you feel bitter, look at the feeling itself, not the "others" that make you feel bitter. Own your own project in your own head.

It's not a one day task, and you have to be willing to walk through your own inadequacies and fears, but you will be walking to freedom. One day you can say and do exactly what you want to say and do and you will have people around you who will support you in your journey home: to autonomy, love and respect for yourself.

Link to the book, picture gallery, reviews and endorsements:
https://www.elenanezhinsky.com/buddha-on-a-bull

Truth, but not True

Anyone expressing wisdom of liberation, in a Yogic tradition - jnani, express wisdom in their own way. This wisdom is truth, but it does't mean it's true. It is truth for them and it is truth for those who understand him/her. But it is not the whole truth. Please do not confuse this.

If you understood just now what I said you will never have a problem with anyone's expression, you will navigate the sea of wisdom with grace, gravitating naturally to the information your being respond to, gravitating to the tone and words and right frequencies of the expression for you.

You will never again listen to someone who considered wise by majority, if their expression doesn't make sense for you overall or at this time.

You will never strain to understand, you just connect, or not. You will feel it.

You will never want anyone change their expression, because you know that the fact that you disagree doesn't mean there is no one there who agree, you simply won't stop by the well that doesn't give water to quench your thirst, you will find the well that does, instead of arguing with the well.

You will be clear that the well has it's own water, but it doesn't mean that this is all the waters of the Creation, doesn't matter how narrow or how wide the well is, it is truth, but it's not entire truth.

You will feel wonder how everyone is interconnected and how each serves the whole.

Two types of phantom character (and endless other variations of distortions of authentic self)

Have been clicked into conformed personality is not your fault. It's not anyone's fault, its how this program works. You were not feeling safe when you were a baby and immediately the mechanism of protection was created in the energy body. Now this very energy body walks around and clicks in with others by resonance...can you get it how you ended up in wrong relationships and living not your authentic self, but some phantom?

Here is another type of phantom character. Because it is rooted in control and power, it is much more difficult to see, accept the very fact of it, and start to let go. In a core of it is the same thing - fear and survival. Again, somewhere deep in the childhood their safety was compromised, and the energetic body was imprinted with constantly maintaining the illusion of control, and that imprint called in psychology, the narcissistic personality. In this scenario the authentic essence is deep into identification with the character that has domineering energetic imprint. Both of these false personalities are rooted in basic human emotion of fear. Both of these are survival mechanisms of the phantom character. Only seeing that clearly give you a chance to get un-plugged from this survival energetic armor. Denial will never lead to freedom and living your authentic self.

I studied innerly extensively the conforming, dependent phantom's mechanisms, and I help people to see these armors clearly, their characteristics and ways to freedom. I did not study narcissistic armor, but experienced its effect on myself. I know that there are many more who free themselves from conforming, then narcissism, just because feeling disempowered is easier to let go of, then letting go of power and control. But both of it is a big trap for the authentic being. I feel compassion for beings being clicked-in in both distorted characters without awareness.

There are many variations and specificities of the armor, so it is alway very individual journey to freedom. Psychotherapy can uncover the mechanisms. Since I mostly work with people in the field of spirituality and awakening, I know that many did try psychotherapy for years without a relief, and turned to extreme spirituality to ease the pain: became a perpetual spiritual seeker. Transcendence, experiencing oneness, awakening, will expand awareness so the phantom might be seen. It will not fix the pressure of the limitation of the energetic armor. But it might become very uncomfortable to live in it, so utterly uncomfortable, that one day you might clearly see and start to let go of it. Sounds True summit on Narcissism: https://www.soundstrue.com/store/understanding-narcissism-summit-ce-credits-1.html

Welcome to being human

You will find more people with "arrested development" aka not grown up, unclear or with complete lack of personal boundaries in spiritual circles then probably anywhere else (maybe I am exaggerating). I don't know, but I know how suffering drives spiritual search, and the most suffering is from being lost to the basics of your own being.

Surely I know it firsthand, I would not write about it if I did not experience it myself. Some of us are just completely lost how to stand tall as yourself, because we were knocked down when we were very programmable. As my friend said, and I like the simplicity of this sentence: it is terrifying to be ok with being unliked, but how freeing that is.

Regardless of spiritual awakening, the old conditioning in the mind will run the old character's program, ask so many who woke up to oneness and transcended the illusion of being separate human being, just to find themselves back to conforming, avoiding, control, denial and etc...the list is endless. The road is not that straight as we would like it to be, it's a bit like one step forward in expending the mind, one step back to make sure the being is catching up, otherwise will end up with a head in the clouds, but standing in the pile of own sh*t.

We do not like to be told to grow up, but thats exactly what needs to be done. Many of us have no idea what "grow up" means actually, and terrified that it does apply to them, and it feels very much condescending and humiliating.

Growing up after 40 years old primarily I am ok right now with accepting that I was lost to myself all my life, with zero personal boundaries. I did not know what it is, and translated in Russian it sounded even more strange. I now have clear understanding of my own being here, my own limitations, and this makes it easy to navigate in the sea of everyday life, to what say yes and to what say clear no. But it was very difficult in the beginning, took many years of observing myself and making bold decisions to break usual old conditioning, courageously. For some time courage was my everyday energy, almost survival necessity.

I feel the presence of all the energies, and how they dance in us. I can move and not get stuck into the rigid conditioned response with the help of Air element, hold the space with an open awareness of the Ether element, feeling of the Water, steadiness of the Earth, and the vulnerabilities of the open heart burning in the element of Fire.

Welcome to being human. It's surely an exhilarating ride! 

Buddha on a Bull Adventures around the World

Gary Falk aka Garyji, New York

I was a bit shy about blasting my page with Buddha on a Bull. I was hearing this voice in my head: "oh, Elena and her book, again!". I realized today its not my voice! Its a fucker's voice. Whatever he is. The collective or individual programming: "Do not stick out", or something like that, we definitely all have this or some other one. So I am not listening to this voice anymore, and I know that Buddha on a Bull needs help from me and community, and I said Yes to it by writing it shamelessly, so what's the problem now with putting it into the field?! Thank you everyone who already wrote reviews on Amazon, endorsements that went into the book and website and sent me fun pictures from different corners of the world for YouTube video collage  If you happen to read Buddha on a Bull, please consider a review and a send me a picture! This really supports BoaB to ride around the World! Thank you!   
🐃

'OH MY F-ING GOD!! This is the most real, raw, wild, truthful, funny book on awakening and enlightenment I have ever read. It could easily be called 'welcome to being human'. Elena brings the spiritual search into the realm of being human in a way that no one else could. I deeply and highly recommend this easy to read, easy to love, easy to understand jewel to anyone seeking themselves.
--Shanti Zimmermann, Emotional Clarity Mentor, Switzerland

Buddha on a Bull on Amazon!

Buddha on a Bull: A Practical Approach to Enlightenment made it to Amazon! I gave this book a heart, and served the time.  I know it will touch people deeply, and I feel very happy how it came out.  I will appreciate personal feedback to my email (will help me to be a better writer and a better human being), or reviews on Amazon (will help Buddha on a Bull to go on a ride in the world).
Thank you!
Loving you.
Elena💗

For those who are ready to trust your own. Who are here to be a chef of your own life.

When you are a beginner in cooking you need recipes, but later on if you still attached to the recipes you will never create your "signature dish", and everyone who cooks knows what I mean. It is not done by any recipe, its is purely your own creation. Maybe it is based on something you learnt earlier, but now you can make it with your eyes closed. You do not any help prom anybody, unless you feel you want a company, you definitely don't need suggestions from the friends you invited to cook together, or them coming with another recipe for this dish, you just want to share and play together cooking in the way you found works for you, and you thought others might like it. You trust they will also like it if they just play with you and learn new ways of making this dish. Here is the same with living your own life. When you release all the seeking, you are playing, even if you are vulnerable. You do not need to be told how, because no one knows better then you by this time, it is the most intimate process, only you know if this dish needs anything else at this point, or it just needs be left alone, simmering, stirring the pot periodically, catching the aroma, tasting. The main ingredient in cooking your life is trust in life you are living and in a cooking process. It has been cooking for number of years, and you are alive and still playing, you just want to share it with friends. Some of us more transpersonal, and are here to share our experiences, so others might benefit in one way or the other. That's all it it about sharing lives in stories, its simple and it's selfless. P.S. I want to add here that being your own chef means that you can screw up, but you clean the pot and start again, you know...

by Kedoki

Wake Up! The timing is perfect.

Growing in depth of knowing, embodying it deeper and deeper, I appear in all kinds of ways, and sometimes not in the best light, and sometimes as I am on a top of the world. Know that both of these does not affect my focus. The perspective of others, though can be hurtful or supportive in the moment, does not really make any difference in the intent of this living being doing what she is here to do. Wake up to your own truth and you will be liberated from the smallness of your daily concerns and fears, trying to please others in all kinds of ways just to get by in this life. Wake up to your work in this lifetime, to revelation of what you are and doing here, what you are here to give to the world. Wake up! At least FEEL now strongly you really want to wake up. The timing is perfect. 

Love is from where the determination comes

I have been raw, real and honest with myself for many years here not to entertain you, but holding a space for you to be raw, real and honest with yourself. So if yo are not yet, please start now. This is not easy, I am often misunderstood, but you see that I am still here, unchanged in my focus why I am here and what I am doing. This is important to know, that you can be taken by life in all kinds of directions to explore, fall, learn, rise, and learn, but you still on the same trajectory that you are here to follow, and yours is absolutely unique, like mine is unique. I am here to support deepest transformation of the human spirit, surely I go through transformation first, and surely it is a bit early for the crowd to understand, surely I get hurt in a process, and surely I come back to the same thing over and over and over again - Love. Love is from where the determination comes. I do not have will power, I am fueled by love to sentient beings to be liberated, on any level it is possible for each of you, and me too.

I will mention here this Illustration is by my friend artist Jason Kolano from the book Buddha on a Bull, August/September release. To read more about the book go to my website: https://www.elenanezhinsky.com/buddha-on-a-bull