Monday, February 11, 2019

"You will help a lot of people"


7 years ago in Andes mountains in Peru I was traveling in a company of four women. We were brought to a shaman who did his divinations on the coca leaves. The biggest question at that moment for me was: Will my husband come back? Yes, nothing spiritual, very much survival question. Just as everyone before me was asking mostly similar down to earth questions.
I was not well already at the time, burning my adrenals through day and night putting Liberation Unleashed (LU) into existence, and working with people constantly to develop and test the method of direct pointing. A few of us, pioneers actually got very ill in the first stage of creation of LU.

The shaman threw the leaves on the table, and immediately turned to me: "You will help a lot of people". "I know that", I said impatiently, "but what about my husband, will he come back?", this was the question of the day 
Now years later I look back on living in that empty house without any furniture, trying to renovate it after the fire, trying to navigate my son's depression and mine, trying to find strength in myself while getting more ill with some mysterious autoimmune condition that made me completely disabled to live in the society for some long time, I have so much compassion for myself. I not only survived, I indeed helped a lot of people, with direct pointing inquiry, and also taking them with me on my honest journey through the first years of awakening.
And now when I am mostly left behind by my LU community as a "casualty", been pushed out as a "ballast", I received today this letter from someone I know as John, that warmed my heart and made me smile:
"Wow I just read your latest Facebook post. Something powerful is awakening in you, and I think it will help lots of people!"
😊
Oh, I know that one, John, I truly know it so well! 🙃
🔥


Peru August 2012

Friday, February 8, 2019

Spirituality and Practicality

I wrote this on Facebook today:
I am closing my fundraiser. It seems to came to energetic completion. It was transitional period for me, and I appreciate everyone who did contribute, this allowed me to pay and finish my coaching training with CTI institute. I have only one module left in March, and I am done with them (6 months of training is almost done!). I paid myself for 2 modules from my savings, a friend from Liberation Unleashed and fundraiser from my friends around the world made it possible to pay for another 3. I also helped in that too, because I was doing some coaching or consulting sessions in exchange for donations. So somehow we made it!!

I joined master coach i very much respect in some sort of apprenticeship once a week. She has different style then the one I was learning in my training, and her style very much resonates with me and my ways, it brings all together, and I am excited about it!

People, I am very serious about this, and it seems came to my life long ago as the image of the Buddha on a Bull - spirituality and practicality in one. My book about it, my writings on a blog about it, my work with people about it, even my troubles with Liberation Unleashed was about it when I tried to offer my own voice there. I came a long way with my own voice, and there is no amount of carrots in the way of some sort of disembodied enlightenment will take me from my own path. Its all merged together in me in the beautiful and real humanity I live from this , I work with people from this, I write from this.

I came from the coaching module absolutely in awe what just happened there, surely I was ready for that. I came and thought I will be writing, this is so important, but I actually went into action. And that was a sign of complete dissolving of the life long conditioning, main fixation that kept itself as thread through the lifetime. I am still keeping intention to write about it, this will go into Buddha on a Bull book, the book will be not complete without it. As full as Awakening was here, and it allowed for what followed, this piece was a linchpin, holding life scenario together on a certain trajectory, keeping me in a disempowered state.

If even after awakening from the illusion of separate self, or any degree of awakening, opening to who you are, you feel dissatisfaction, not complete, not doing what you feel is needed and calling you, if you still feel disempowered, or weak, ill, have autoimmune condition that is not improving no matter what you try --- your life is still run by deeply hidden fear. It can be anything that is so hidden in the folds of your mind and personality that you are unable to recognize and see clearly. Surely you will embrace it all from the Consciousness perspective, from Love, but still, it will be churning in the depth of your mind, and directing the life you live here.

Please do not sit withering, and think: "It's all just happening", this is the main deception of being stuck halfway, this is not true nonduality. True nonduality is living fully, and living fearlessly, living in integrity of your being, acting from love, and not control, manipulation, and fear. And very often these three are presented in a way we do not recognize them. So I am sorry to leave you at this here. Words have their limitation, and this is why I invited you for the last 8 years with unceasing conviction to go live life, instead of engaging in the conceptual conversations on facebook or following advices of people who themselves don't know, they just have bigger balls here to pretend they do, elbowing each other for their advice to be sold. Surely I exaggerate a bit, there are some here who are real and helpful, be practical about choosing whom to follow, if you absolutely need to do it. If you find yourself stick to someone for years and see no changes in the state of being, choose someone else.