Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Personal Development and Enlightenment. What's the difference?

Most of the work we do on a spiritual path is the work to  improve the character, what we call personal development.  We step on what we perceive as a spiritual path out of dissatisfaction with ourselves and life as it going for us. We start with trying to change others for some years, then we move to another long period of time when we start to fix ourselves. We do all kinds of personal development workshops and we go through tons of self help books. We move into the world of chakras, yoga and we become vegetarians. After some years we move into more hard core stuff like serious meditation, retreats or some shamanic practices of strong mind altering herbal medicines, and etc. 

The whole spiritual search  is based on dissatisfaction with what we are and how we feel at the moment, and we seek a relief, we seek resolution. We secretly feel that the resolution will be what we call an enlightenment. We don't really know what enlightenment is, but we think it is something that will fix all our dissatisfaction, and we reach for it. We strive on the path, trying to accumulate more and more knowledge, insights and trying to become less reactive and more mindful. We think that the more spiritual practices we will do, more knowledge we get - more chances we will arrive to that place where enlightenment is. 

If we look at the phrase "personal development", we see that it is some work that pertains to the person. Person is a dream character that works on him/herself in a dream that Consciousness dreams into existence. Enlightenment is realizing that there is no person, that the world, inner and outer is a projection, there is nothing to strive for in a future, it's already is all complete as it can be.

Of cause, for the dream character personal development is the only what he can do to try to relief the discomfort that he feels. Enlightenment in a dream won't fix our discontent, it would be dream state enlightenment, and as any dream, it is imaginary. Personal development and personal enlightenment are some of the possibilities of Consciousness to mask itself as a dream to explore itself in endless varieties. 

There is no chance for a dream character to become enlightened. Enlightenment is a disappearance of the dream character by waking up from the dream completely. There is no one even to wake up. The dream just stops projecting itself, and the enlightenment, Consciousness itself is revealed to itself. 

After a while the dream constructs itself again, and the dream character continue to exist, but the dream become lucid. The dream character and all its adventures and troubles  are not taken seriously anymore. The striving for personal development falls away. The striving for improving oneself or fixing the circumstances falls away. The striving for spiritual experiences, insights, revelations, and enlightenment itself falls away. What is left and what is driving the dream to continue is a joy of exploration. 

Imagine you wake up lucid in a dream. Would you be devastated to loose your job there or your house to a fire? 
Lucidity in a dream gives a different perspective. It is not less or more suffering, it is no suffering. Pain can be a part of the dream if you stepped on the nail there, if you lost your loved one; suffering is only part of the dream if the dream is unconscious, and one totally identifies oneself with a dream character and a pain. 

Lucidity is the ability of Consciousness to participate in a dream as a dream character and at the same time know itself as a dreamer, the dream itself. 

Lucidity is enlightenment, and it is not the property of the person, a dream character,  it is a property of Consciousness itself. When Consciousness is ready to peek through the character, we get some insights into true nature of being. When Consciousness ready to stare through the character, we get revelations and spiritual states that open up the new perception. 

There is nothing really to strive for. We do not exist apart from Consciousness, and we are Consciousness itself. To realize this nothing needed from our part, only continue to live as we are, doing tons of personal development or none of it. When the time is ripe, the dream reveal itself before it's own eyes...

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Sunday, May 24, 2015

I am not ready!

Sometimes I would be asked to help with inquiry to realize selflessness, but I would feel that this was a misplaced asking. I would probe if this person is really ready for realization of no self, because they are totally exhausted of the spiritual search, or they are looking for improving their quality of life.

Several years ago I received a letter from a professional golfer who was saying that his life is, in most part, what he dreamed of: family, relationship, career. He does what he likes the most: plays golf, and gets paid for it. The only issue in his life that made him write to me, was his teenager son. He was having much stress from communication with his son. The golfer asked to be guided to see no self, expecting it to fix this problem. 

"This inquiry leads to total shift of perception, and there is no garantee that what feels good in life now, existing structures that are working well, will stay for you to feel good, and what is not working, will be fixed", I wrote to him. I asked if he is ready to dive into unknown, trusting life to re-arrange itself. I received the shortest email I ever got from anyone: "No". "Wow, that was easy", I thought. I appreciated the clear evidence of the example of  Consciousness not ready to see itself yet, it's enjoying the game of being hidden, enjoying exploring itself in a way of a life it's living.

Dan The Man

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Friday, May 22, 2015

Get your shit together first

Human life design is very efficient. Everything that is needed to sustain life and procreate life embedded in this design by very strong conditioned thoughts/believes and therefore, certain energetics. These conditions motivates one to do what one needs to do for their own survival and also for coming together, making family, building a structure around that and taking care of it. This full load of human responsibilities seems to be necessary for most of us before we step on the transcendence path. If we fully dipped our toes in a householder life, the wish for freedom arises strongly in some of us, since householder's life based on so many structures that are rigid and limiting to the human's mind possibilities. If we never tasted it in it's fullness, how we can have a wish for something else? We always will be doubting what we really want and be pulled in all the different directions with our attention. For the path of transcendence one has to be completely ready, with all the attention gathered together in all its fullness. 

Sometimes it is happens that we dip into different perception, then we are back into the world of our responsibilities. The perception change, and energetics relaxed.  Now we are back to our job, 3 kids, a wife, and a mortgage. We lost motivation for pushing forward with all that "human stuff", and life start to slip under our feet. This is exactly what is happening: ungroundness, loss of motivation, loss of interest, nihilism toward life, when one actually is not ready to release the ground yet. Our family and responsibilities: old parents that need care, young children that needs food and grown ups that needs us to pay for their college, wives that needs attention, and jobs that needs almost all our daytime time and focus - all are roots to keep us stable and going as a good householder….until our garden is fully grown, the harvest time is done well, and now we can sit by the hay bail and close the eyes...In the East people recognize these different stages in a human life, and don't really mess with them, or play unresponsively, out of curiosity.  There is a time for a family life, human responsibilities life, and there is a time when one can renounce it all and "leave to the forest". 

There was a famous teacher of Vipassana meditation in India who's life can illustrate this perfectly. Her name was Dipa Ma, she was a teacher of many, including some of known western teachers. When she married her husband she was a teenager. She always was interested in meditation, but her husband suggested to have a family first, and then she can go and learn meditation. He was supportive of her, but he was that ground that kept her stably rooted in life first. Years passed, and there she was: sitting in deep  meditation right in the middle of her kitchen between making meals, with her grandkids running around, and people from all over the world coming to see her, learn from her, and pay respect to her. 

As much as transcendence states looks alluring, they are also dangerous in a way that they take our attention and energy away from the human responsibilities. Unless one lived life fully, one needs to be careful, and not go with the hype to renounce it, and be free like someone else he admires. This renunciation will not be complete, and there will be no freedom, mostly confusion. 

Let's see our families, our jobs and our engagements in everyday life as a gift that gives us natural groundness, stability, that focuses our attention in the way it is perfectly natural at this moment. Even though mind can say to us that we want something else, but the whole weight of our being right now is in the groundness of our human engagements. Notice that weight, and instead of resisting it, thank it for keeping you on the path of beautiful human rite. This whole article comes down basically to one phrase: "First, get your shit together!". When the time is right, the weight of life engagements will be lifted, and you can fly! 

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Friday, May 15, 2015

Her Beautiful Old Story

The dance was freeing, it was a celebration. Yesterday first time I returned to 5 Rhythms  with Lucia. I was dancing with Lucia every week in Brooklyn, where she and her partner started to have their own themed version of the dance that her half brother's mom Gabrielle Roth invented couple of decades ago.

The dance felt like home, like New York City, like vitality, joy and community years ago. Same Lucia, same lightness, same freedom and heart opening. Sweat was dripping from my forehead just like before. My tank top, my skirt, my bra and my panties - all familiar wet. I don’t remember I ever sweat anywhere else so profusely. The breeze from the open door touching the wet skin, the almost giving up feet travel through the dance floor, wet hair sticking  to my face, long silk skirt in the constant circular movement, and the overflowing joy in the whole being...wow...I am not sure where I am really...I am traveling through time... and space... I am spaciousness itself.

Stillness. The last of the 5 Rhythms. I slow down. I open my eyes. There is a framed picture of dancing Gabrielle and her simple chain necklace lay there. Suddenly I feel overwhelming sadness and I stop, fixed on that necklace, tears rolling down already wet face. I feel drowning. The feeling came down on me like a waive crashing the shore. The body totally open to receive slides down to the floor and melt. I am floating in the pool of my own tears. Very quietly I make it outside and in the darkness of the night, feeling safe and held by the land, I wail. The sound of deep grief merges with the sound of the ocean.

I bow to the ability and willingness of the human being to dive deep into the raw feeling to allow complete alchemy.

Last time I was dancing with Gabrielle I was with my husband, in my city, living in my house, with my son, my cat, my creek, my backyard. Walking in the darkness of Big Sur I wailed in grief and loss for my life. My house and my cat gone to the fire, my husband gone to the other woman, my city and my son I had to leave, my friends, my family as I knew it - all gone.

Life is a cinema. The movie has ended and the new one continues: a sensing woman in her late 40th in a long silk skirt walking in the darkness of the Esalen land, in freedom and clarity of the ground of her being, leaving behind her beautiful old story.

Photo from Esalen by Denae Thibault

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Tuesday, April 28, 2015

I am an introvert!...The stories we tell ourselves.

Morning just started to reveal itself through some splashes of light across the sky. Stars still so bright over the darkness of the ocean. Water crashing the shores in the melancholic movement. Even birds still sleeping. Slowly I walk down the gravel road. Quite. This is why I love to wake up early and tip toe in the dark through our small room, careful not to wake up my roommates, pick up my backpack ready from the night before, slip in my boots and head to the baths. I probably look too exotic for some, little crazy for others, or totally normal Esalen-ish for the old-comers in my blue and pink flowers pajama and cowboy boots. I like my little routine where I head first to the dining room where I pick up a cup of freshly made coffee by some compassionate soul who gets up before everyone to make us our morning fix, I say hi to the community cat and walk down to the baths. At this early hour most of the bathers are those who work at Esalen, guests have luxury to sleep a little more before breakfast starts. I love the quite and pristine view from the baths at this hour. I appreciate neutral faces here and there in the water, just like mine, unable to speak at this early time. So we sit in the hot water like snow monkeys, silent and motionless, peering into the waters of Pacific ocean and some light on the horizon. It is the morning just like any others, except there is unusual noise from the baths. I go there, in my morning zombilike way, sit in the water and I hear the dialogue from the neighboring tub in a full daytime voice: “ I come here for 30 years several times a year, but it’s so much talk here for me, so much conversations, so much just everything. Believe me, I am an introvert, yes I am an introvert, and I really like silence. I like quite. I like to sit in this very corner and just be quite”. “For God’s sake, just be quite”, I say to myself, but he is on the roll, and he is laud like a thunder, so my snow monkey rise and go dress herself to head to work in the kitchen.

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Saturday, June 21, 2014



  1. 1.
    a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen.
  1. 1.
    strongly wish for or want (something).

I worked with so many people, and most would start with expectations how freedom should look like and feel like, based on the stand they are standing at the moment and all they read and heard from someone they believe is a trustable source of enlightenment. Also if one comes from a Buddhist perspective, incomplete understanding of the teachings put expectations in the mind too that desire must be completely eliminated, not present, so is expectations about attachment, doubt and other fetters. These expectations is the main barrier that keeps one from seeing what is already present.

The freedom is not only present for some. To see for yourself expectations must be dropped. It's not that you consciously drop them as you would a sack of wood, it's the desire for truth, to see, become so strong, it's pervades all being, and habitual thoughts does not arise, then seeing reveals empty nature of the one who sees, and maybe at the same time or later, empty nature of the world, and an empty nature of the desire too.

Seeing this does not mean you become desireless, doubtless, selfless ghost. Seeing makes one see anything for what it is really: an apparent phenomena that does not need to be eliminated, just seeing properly. This seeing changes one fundamentally. From the living contracted by thoughts to natural expansion and allowing. Same guy, different way of being.

And the journey does not stop there. Desire is a desire to live, to create, to share continues as long as it continues. It's changes in it's focus. If before, desire presented itself as a desire for material goods, or even a desire for "my enlightenment", now desire is to explore, create, share, to give. The wish to eliminate desire is just a misconception, a subtle desire too! Desire purifies by itself when selflessness is realized. And when time to completely be gone, it will be gone. And in reality nothing will change. The story of Ramana does not change anything in Reality.

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Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Julian: I've seen through the illusion of the self but there is still identification with thoughts and a sense of separation..

Here he is beautifully guiding Julian...


first post -
jad437 » Fri May 30, 2014 4:20 pm
I was wondering if I could speak with a guide. I've seen through the illusion of the self but there is still identification with thoughts and a sense of separation. I guess you could say there have been awakenings ( absence of me), but I still have a strong sense of existing. I'm currently in college right now and in the process of trying to figure out what I need to do with 'my' life. Career path, etc. financial situation of the future and it is becoming so stressful because I see the futility in seeking pleasure and avoiding pain. I'm stuck in this rut of knowing that what I think isn't it, but also believing that there is more to it.
Any guidance would be greatly appreciated.

second post -
Josephkoudelka » Fri May 30, 2014 5:42 pm
Hi Julian,
Joseph here. I can guide you.
How can I help you?

third post -
jad437 » Fri May 30, 2014 5:47 pm
Hiya Joseph,
I'm really confused as to what I should do. There this deep sense of being lost and feeling as if there is something that needs to be done. I feel as if I am missing something but I don't know what. There is a longing for truth, but I cannot find it anywhere.

Fourth post -
Josephkoudelka » Fri May 30, 2014 5:57 pm
Here at LU I can guide you to realize for yourself two things specifically; that there is no doer, and no self. This will untie the whole bundle of confusion and is really the best medicine.
Are you ready to do that?

fifth post-
jad437 » Fri May 30, 2014 6:09 pm
Yessir! :)

sixth post-
Josephkoudelka » Fri May 30, 2014 6:24 pm
Ok then :) A couple of formalities are needed to get underway. First - please take a look at viewtopic.php?f=16&t=221 and acknowledge that you agree and understand.
Second - Here are a few ground rules.
You agree to post at least once a day, even if only to say, "still here!"
I am not your teacher, all I can do is point, you look, until clear seeing happens.
In general, I will ask questions, you look deeply and honestly, and respond.
Responses require simple, uncontrived honest looking. There are no wrong or right answers.
Responses are best from direct experience (felt senses and observed thoughts). Long-winded analytical and philosophical answers, and stream of consciousness answers are best avoided and may even hinder progress.
Put aside all other teachings, philosophies and such for the remainder of this investigation. Really put all your effort and attention into seeing this reality, as it is. If you have a daily and essential meditation practice, it is fine to continue that.
Please learn to use the quote function; See these instructions
Let me know if you agree to this also. 
Thank you! - Joseph

seventh post-
 jad437 » Fri May 30, 2014 8:01 pm
Sounds good to me!

eighth post -
Josephkoudelka » Fri May 30, 2014 8:10 pm
Great! In your first post you mentioned:
"I've seen through the illusion of the self but there is still identification with thoughts and a sense of separation. I guess you could say there have been awakenings ( absence of me), but I still have a strong sense of existing."
Tell me more about that, your direct experience of seeing through the illusion of self.

ninth post-
jad437 » Fri May 30, 2014 8:36 pm
There have been brief moments within the last couple of months where all labeling disappearing and there was simply experience happening. Nothing was separate from anything else because thoughts weren't labeling. Then thought came back and tried to understand it...it still does. It really wants to understand the absence of itself. I guess you could say "I' really want to understand the absence of myself when I'm not labeling things and believing thought.

tenth post -
Josephkoudelka » Fri May 30, 2014 8:55 pm
In your direct experience, right now, describe thinking.

eleventh post-
jad437 » Fri May 30, 2014 9:01 pm
Thoughts are appearing as I type this. Kind of an ongoing chatter with no mental cessation.
Coming out of nowhere and then disappearing. Not really knowing what the next thought will be.
Just words coming and going. Some describing this experience. There's a table, chair, lamp.

twelfth post-
Josephkoudelka » Fri May 30, 2014 9:26 pm
"Thoughts are appearing as I type this."
In your direct experience what is this "I" that types?

thirteenth post -
jad437 » Fri May 30, 2014 9:33 pm
No entity can be found in the direct experience...
There only seems to be an appearance of it in thoughts...but they are just thoughts.

fourteenth post -
Josephkoudelka » Fri May 30, 2014 9:37 pm
Exactly. Thoughts are known. Do thoughts know you?

fifteenth post - 
 jad437 » Fri May 30, 2014 9:46 pm
No :( They know nothing. No matter how hard they try. Or what they try to hold onto in this direct experience. It is all just a mental projection of what is experienced. Not an actual knowing/ understanding of anything. Just witnessing. Thought can't find an entity.. Just another thought saying it feels like "I'm" here.

sixteenth post -
Josephkoudelka » Fri May 30, 2014 9:50 pm
Look at your right hand. In direct experience, describe right hand.

seventeenth post -
jad437 » Fri May 30, 2014 10:17 pm
There is looking at a right hand but if there is no movement I cannot even sense that it is there. There is merely observing of an object there that thoughts label as hand.

eighteenth post - 
Josephkoudelka » Fri May 30, 2014 10:25 pm
in direct experience, describe "looking at right hand". (Close your eyes for a few moments once or twice too as you explore this in direct experience)

nineteenth post -
jad437 » Fri May 30, 2014 10:37 pm
There's nothing there. In the direct experience of closing my eyes the only thing that is sensed is a presence, but no sense of there being a hand.

twentieth post -
Josephkoudelka » Fri May 30, 2014 10:42 pm
In direct experience, describe closing the eyes.

twentyfirst post -
jad437 » Fri May 30, 2014 10:45 pm
lol...i can't describe it. There is just seeing...images..forms and then there isn't. Appearances and then the disappearance of those images.

twenty second post -
Josephkoudelka » Fri May 30, 2014 10:56 pm
Who knows this, in direct experience? Is the I?

twenty third post -
jad437 » Fri May 30, 2014 11:01 pm
No...Just experience...and description...there doesn't seem to be a separate thing who knows this...I don't really know..there's less and less to say.

twenty fourth post -
Josephkoudelka » Sat May 31, 2014 7:51 am
Are experience and the description of experience two different things in direct experience(DE)?

twenty fifth post -
jad437 » Sat May 31, 2014 9:05 am
No, the description of the experience arises in the experience but it's not separate from the experience..
OMG!!!its the description of the experience (self) that is believing itself to be separate from the experience!!

twenty sixth post -
Josephkoudelka » Sat May 31, 2014 9:07 am
Are you a body or a mind?

twenty seventh post -
jad437 » Sat May 31, 2014 9:19 am
I had to step out of mind for this...because I kept going back to what the mind had heard. In this DE i am that which experiences itself in the apparent form of a body and mind but I am not that.

twenty eighth post -
Josephkoudelka » Sat May 31, 2014 9:24 am
In DE, what difference is there for any perception? Body, mind, desk, chair, sky...?

twenty ninth post -
jad437 » Sat May 31, 2014 9:36 am
It's hard to put into words. There is nothing really. Things appear but there are no beliefs that the body, or the chair, or the chair are really as they are. Only empty words or sounds pointing to a thing...but the description can't truly explain what it is

thirtieth post -
Josephkoudelka » Sat May 31, 2014 9:39 am
Do you know the description, or does the description know you?

thirty first post -
jad437 » Sat May 31, 2014 9:47 am
LOL of course! The description tries to know (mind, me, self, thoughts) but it will never know 'me' or this. Or god, source whatever we call it. All there is is knowing lmao hahahaha. There is knowing, experiencing knowing everything and nothing and in this knowing appears description trying to know itself hahahahaha

thirty second post -
Josephkoudelka » Sat May 31, 2014 9:51 am
:) and is there's self that controls this?

thirty second post -
jad437 » Sat May 31, 2014 9:59 am
LOL what a funny question there's no free will because it's all just happening freely. An appearance of control but none whatsoever. Neuroscience and quantum physics even show this. Omg! It's so simple no wonder the mind overlooks it!

thirty third post -
 Josephkoudelka » Sat May 31, 2014 10:02 am
Yes! :) In DE is there neuroscience or quantum physics?

thirty fourth post -
jad437 » Sat May 31, 2014 10:25 am
No!!! There are no reference points!

thirty fifth post -
Josephkoudelka » Sat May 31, 2014 10:29 am
Are there any other candidates that could possibly contain this DE or knowing presence?

thirty sixth post -
jad437 » Sat May 31, 2014 3:50 pm
No...nothing just this DE...any speculation would be a reference to thought..
It's funny because there's an understanding that all seeking is an attempt of the mind to get out of its DE into a better moment. That moment never arrives but it "appears" to arrive through pleasure...but that comes and goes...so the mind is always trying to hold on to something...you've basically just annihilated my mind because it has nothing to hold on to. It keeps trying to look forward to something, but there's an understanding that that seeking is completely futile.

thirty seventh post -
Josephkoudelka » Sat May 31, 2014 4:12 pm
This is great! one more step! :)
"That moment never arrives but it "appears" to arrive through pleasure...but that comes and goes...so the mind is always trying to hold on to something."
Can the mind do anything in DE? Can one thought know another thought? is there any focus that drives this in DE?
"It keeps trying to look forward to something, but there's an understanding that that seeking is completely futile.
Same as above... and is any effort required for DE?

thirty eigth post -
jad437 » Sat May 31, 2014 4:28 pm
Confused about that first question. The mind can only describe nothing more...it does so automatically. Like...as if it had a function or job to just do one thing..repeating it over and over again..describing the car, chair, table...non-stop.
A thought is just describing another thought haha it's not knowing it. I'm not entirely sure what you mean by locus that drives...there seems to be an energy behind the thought ( believing in a separate self). That energy seems to disappear when the self is seen through?
No effort required for DE! It's just happening.

thirty ninth post -
Josephkoudelka » Sat May 31, 2014 4:47 pm
By locus, does DE have a location? Is there inside or outside, internal external in "It's just happening." ?

forty post -
 jad437 » Sat May 31, 2014 4:49 pm
No, there isn't even such a thing as inside/ outside in DE. I can't describe " this". It can only be experience itself to know.

forty first post -
Josephkoudelka » Sat May 31, 2014 4:51 pm
Excellent! So who knows DE?

forty second post -
jad437 » Sat May 31, 2014 4:54 pm
Nothing :) hahahahaha

forty third post -
jad437 » Sat May 31, 2014 4:56 pm
Or no one rather...could say god, or source..but even then that seems like saying there is an entity there...It's just nothingness experiencing itself through "apparent" form.

forty fourth post -
Josephkoudelka » Sat May 31, 2014 5:06 pm
hahaha! Thank you for sticking with this. LOL! ok. 
Relax into This. Thank you Julian. :)
At your leisure, please respond to the following questions:
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from
your own experience. Describe it fully as you seeit now.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue?
Please report from the past few days.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How
does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
6) Anything to add?

forty fifth post -
Josephkoudelka » Sat May 31, 2014 5:16 pm
this last response snuck through while I posted the previous reply.
Or no one rather...could say god, or source..but even then that seems like saying there is an entity there...It's just nothingness experiencing itself through "apparent" form.
Is DE experiencing anything?

forty sixth post -
jad437 » Sat May 31, 2014 5:41 pm
Thanks so much! The peace has been here all along :)
1) There is the illusion of a self. A separate entity that has autonomous control over his or her own actions, but it is merely an illusion. Kind of like how optical illusions work. They appear as one thing, but are completely different from what was expected. 
2) The illusion is an apparent person described through description. Through this description space and time is created and an individual is born. It's funny to talk about, but toddlers, or children have no sense of separation or a sense of self. Same for animals. There is no function in the body that enables these forms to identify with surroundings. We are taught at a young age what is "right" or "wrong", "good" or "bad". Then we become this "apparent" person who gets things right/ wrong and become "good" or "bad" and through this an illusory identity person is constructed. It serves a function solely in communicating with others- a story, but it's all just a dream. The self cannot be seen but it is just assumed to be here which is why the search for "liberation" or "enlightenment" is impossible. It is seemingly impossible because there is no one to become liberated from the beginning. Only in the story does the separate individual believe they must free themselves, but how can an illusion get rid of itself if it doesn't really exist? :P
3) There is the assumption that things will change once liberation occurs. but things stay exactly as they are. Emotions arise just the same. Sadness, pleasure, pain. The only difference is that there is no one to take life personally. In a sense it can be said that suffering can no longer occur because the suffering is the energy of the "one" who takes things personally. It is all impersonal. Prior to this dialogue there was seeming personalization of events. Things were taken personally and everything was happening to "me". Now everything is just happening to no one. Like energy expanding and never ceasing. No one there to latch on and take things as their own. The story still exists, but it is not seen as who I am.
4) Hahaaha It seems as if there was a deepening in the seeing through of this illusion :) But the subtle Aha! moment was in the recognition that thoughts try so furiously to understand and know life itself, and even this illusory "self". The guide that was helping me asked "Do you know the description, or does the description know you?" and it was almost as if two jigsaw puzzles fit together. Recognizing that the description ( words, self, mind) attempts to understand/ know but cannot and will never, but that which knows it is experience itself ( who you truly are). The description arises in the experience not vice versa which left me with realizing that I know nothing, but "I" know.
5) Intention, free-will, control, etc is so simple! ahha. Literally. A thought pops up. " Go eat food, or close the door" and those actions are played out. There is no do-er or controller who willingly summons thoughts to appear in order for actions and decisions to be made. Thoughts arise from nothingness and actions occur or don't occur. The difference is there is no longer a do-er who believes that they are themselves are doing the actions. It's quite the joke actually. The action is already set to happen ( kind of pre-determined) then thoughts simply come in after the fact to describe what is happening only thoughts take the form of being a separate entity who has autonomous control.
Thought pops up. Action happens or does not happen. :) There is no responsibility. In order for there to be responsibility there must be an individual who has responsibility. This does not mean that everything stops and control is lost. Control was never there. There was an appearance of control. Taking care of the kids will still happen, paying the bills will still happen. Everything will still happen as before, there just will be no separate person doing these things. Just life taking care of kids, and paying bills :) 
6) That is all for me. No more questions for me <3 font="" joseph="" love.="" much="" so="" thanks="">
All the best.

fifty seventh post -
jad437 » Sat May 31, 2014 5:47 pm
Nope. Just itself haha

forty eigth post -
Josephkoudelka » Sat May 31, 2014 5:48 pm
Peace out!

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Born in June 2011 out of inspiration to share how to end life long spiritual search, drop the observer, and return back to naturalness we are.


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