Thursday, July 12, 2018

The Gate

How many years you are walking toward the gate of awakening?
You know, it doesn’t really matter! One year, or five, or twenty.
You thought the more you walk, the closer you are,
whether in reality, you are spinning the wheels.
You can walk out from the labyrinth in no time,
and it also can take ages of walking 
around and around.

Once I made a collage from the images I cut out from magazines,
and I placed the image of myself on an image of a labyrinth,
where in the center of it was my book - the one that I am writing now.
For couple of years of that collage on my wall
I was doing everything possible: from being a guide, a teacher,
to being a dishwasher, a cook, a lover, a traveler - I did everything else, 
but not writing a book!

One day I looked at that image and I recognised myself
walking around that labyrinth for years,
what a sudden revelation from a silly cut out images!
It is also true for a spiritual seeker who goes around and around
with a false sense of progression, until they see their helplessness.
Then it is a real possibility to get out. You walk through the gate,
and you  B E G I N  to live it.

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Her Voice

She spoke to me softly in the recorded message, 
I could hear the music of her presence in my room.
I tuned in to my own presence with precision 
that is not always available.

She was telling me how helpful was my letter 
I wrote her a day before at night,
how she felt cared, understood 
and seen in her inquiry.

Her voice was like a sound of the brook on a backyard of my old house
I could listen to it for hours, sitting still,
hypnotised by the rhythm and melody,
and most importantly, this subtle vibration of love.

Her message was only couple of minutes, but
I was taken on a journey of the heart unexpectedly
when my whole being suddenly trembled, 
and I wept uncontrollably.

I noticed how her words were landing on the invisible shield
that appeared right before the word could dive into my heart.
The shield was constructing itself in a matter of split second and 
was becoming a catching net for lovingkindness and gratitude.

Her voice, full of respect, appreciation and warmth
was bouncing off this invisible resistance line
where the heart contracts just enough not to allow 
love to enter.

The love that is so natural, innocent and true
was held at the door with a sign: “No trespassing”.
But with the heart’s yearning for truth and authenticity
the body ripped webs of resistance with a spontaneous cry.
I am back to listening.
As suddenly as this storm started, it had passed.
I sit in softness of my own being, in complete acceptance.  
I just re-discovered again that listening without resistance is love.

As thinking mind is able to give up holding the fort, and 
as it opens all the unexplored, unavailable, untouched, un-nurtured spaces, 
her voice and her recognition softly asks me to be available
for lovemaking to my own heart.

Monday, July 2, 2018

Honesty, friends, is everything in this journey

Painting by Ellen Ebert

Yes, it is not easy. Not easy at all. Sometimes it is flowing like a river through a wide valley, creating the atmosphere of peace and serenity, and sometimes it is like a mountain stream falling down with a great speed and force, through the boulders and rocks. If the mind holds limitation, floating through the valley, you do have more space and time to see and process it, or even disregard for now, but if you feel as though you are a powerful mountain steam, spare no time, look immediately what is holding you from freedom of this limitation, otherwise in no time you will find yourself being dragged by the gushing waters through the rocks, face down ! Here you need to be brutally honest with yourself, the sort of honesty when you are alone, in your bed, under the blanket, and no one watching. There you are not listening to the mind's usual defences. You are alone and don't need to pretend to be anything but what you've got. It is possible to see clearly what mind tries to still hold on to, and here you have a chance! You can look straight into the limitation/belief/defence, and this will start the de-conditioning process, releasing this limitation. Even seeing it is already enough, more then that, it is so powerful that it is immediately change the course of life. Every moment life starts anew, and it is a powerful beginning for life to start from seeing limitation, rather then old habitual holding on. And this is how the greatest changes happen - they start from honesty with yourself, maybe in your room at night, under the covers, you will face your greatest fears and discover the lightness of being!!

Thursday, June 28, 2018

The Letter to my Readers

I want to ask my Facebook and my Bog community for a favour. I know many read this blog "Complete Humanity", since the statistics are excellent! I very much appreciate this, because this is my life work: to live, to clarify, to express. Finally after being lost in all kinds of professions and endeavours in life this just came to me 7-8 years go, and especially in the last 2 years, it sat on my lap like a cat, and made me arrange all my life around it :) I tried to brush it off, tried all kinds of different directions, but this thing still there, while everything else is fallen away. Writing has been the most fulfilling and natural practice for me, though I can't make myself write when I can't, I follow the certain rhythm, I surrendered to it's calling.
It goes very slow for me with a big project - a book, and more spontaneous, immediate and frequent with the daily little writings and poetries. The book is about integration and maturation of Awakening, and surely I had to walk myself the path before writing about it. I started seriously writing a little bit more then a year ago, and now I am 2/3++ of the draft in a process. I still have several chapters to write, and this is absolutely unknown how this will happen.
Chapters are about specific areas of human life, and as that area becomes clear in my own life, then it comes out on a paper. In a way this book is my own "program" of integration of awakening, my own practice of exploration of humanities, therefore I can say it is "no practice", life itself. The Outline for the book clearly shows me the areas that were massaged by the new energies, and I can see how my life completely changed there. It is very practical book, since the yardstick for awakening and maturation is not an idea in my own head, but in my own life.
As I told you a little bit about my book, I want to ask for help. I am making a new proposal with a publisher, because my old proposal expired, apparently they couldn't wait for me to live my life to write this book, they had deadlines, and I am just true to my process here. For a new proposal I need to show them that I have people who actually read what I write, and they ask for social media conformations in form of followers of the blog, and the page, and etc. I never thought about this before, my readers were always those who gravitated to me over the years, and I never tried to pay for fake likes (yes, I found out thats what many do, and I do not blame anyone for this, if this is an entry breaker to publish the book), but for myself I just can't do it, just like I couldn't take advantage of the publishing contract and write about things that I din't actually lived myself.
My whole journey is toward authenticity, not publicity, so I am asking for real readers to please like my page Buddha on a Bull (the name of the book) and click to follow my blog Complete Humanity, when you are there, there is a button on a right column if you scroll down. This can make a difference for me with the publisher, it is serious help! I will put the links bellow.
I also want to ask anyone who is familiar with the Blogger platform if you can help me to optimise it, my blog has been slow loading, and some of the features are not showing up too, please help me to tweak couple of things, or suggest me someone professional. Thank you very much for reading, as always. I love you, guys, I appreciate your support <3
Link to my Buddha on a Bull page on FB: Buddha on A Bull Page Link to my Facebook personal Page: Elena's Facebook Page You can enter your email address, and you will get a new writing to your mailbox ---> Please click Follow this Blog button on the right, scroll down --->

Wednesday, June 27, 2018

After transcendent, human!

By this time in life 
she is tired from living all kinds of illusions.  
This is how getting old actually beneficial, 
because of the exhaustion.
It is giving permission for the mind 
to relax the conditioned belief.  At last!

If mind to decide itself about it, 
no way he would let go, 
but there is this tiredness, no energy to fuel that, 
no interest to continue to play that role 
that was imposed ages ago on this innocence she is.
Now she just relaxes into life as it is, 
and mind releases the grip.  

Suddenly she finds herself more free, 
even if just a tiny bit,  
maybe not to smile when she does't want to, 
maybe not to apologise,  
just have more space to be, 

This is not convenient sometimes for some, 
and they try to create different stories. 
Maybe she even helped the creation of those stories 
by trying to explain herself.  This is what mind used to do.  
Trying to explain to others herself, 
and why she is suddenly checking out.  
From limiting relation.  
From the environment that is not correct for her.  
From doing what is not beneficial for her.  
From trying to be as normal as she could.

She never wanted to hurt anyone, 
and by trying that so hard not to hurt, she hurt herself.
She is just done with that.  She released that notion 
that something has to be clear.  
She was always aiming for clarity, 
and she failed miserably. 

She doesn't give a shit about any stories, 
her own's mind or anyone's.
It has been exhausting to walk
through life, lifetimes, eternities, 
conformed to imposed expectations.

Just get a grip that she doesn't want to be there anymore, 
talk about it anymore, try to explain, discuss, 
try to make it more convenient for you. 
She just want to be left alone by anyone 
who do not resonate with her aim to authenticity, 
who do not come to her with an open heart 
and allow her to be as she is, bare.
She does not want to hear any judgments 
any suggestions for improvement,
or corrections.  

She just loves this Genius~to~Freak character,
she got to ride in this lifetime!
If you can't see the value of transmutation 
that she undergo for the last eight years 
to benefit herself and the world
by who she is and by what she brings to the table,
just walk away, 

At Home

I truly feel at home 
in an honest expression, 
the most authentic 
I am capable at this moment. 
I can be not honest 100%, 
only because I myself not clear, 
but at least I can promise to myself and others 
that I am as much honest 

as I am capable at the moment.

Saturday, June 23, 2018

On change.

As with any movement repeated for years,
it’s easier to keep the same steps going, automatically.  
What if we stop in the middle of the song, vulnerable, 
trembling with fear to make a mistake, but willing?  
Willing to change the music, 
willing to change the pattern of our movement and our relating.  
Willing to step from each other and look into the eyes.  
Willing to see the other and what they really want.  
Willing to see what we want.  
Willing to want!  
Do you feel the chills through your body? I do! 
Because I know how scary this sudden stop can be.  
Haw daring it looks from outside, and probably unsafe.  
Same music will try to take you again on the same waltz, 
when you are so damn ready to let go into rhythm of flamenco! 
You might grip on each other at times, taking each other again and again 
on the same spin around the hall. 
But isn’t it like the last dance of the night, you both know: it is over? 
Take your shoes off, relax, my dear friend.  There will be more of this, 
and there will be more music next week!
 Maybe same partner, maybe not,
but surely you will keep dancing!

Friday, June 22, 2018

Beyond Peace of Mind

Please drop this idea that you will become peaceful and happy if you wake up. Yes you might have these periods, but awakening is not into peace, but into clarity of who we are. From that clarity peace of mind might come, but still there will be different situations in life, and the mind will still do his reactions. At one point might be not peace, but fury, but would you be judging a child who tripped and fell down, and is crying in all his might? But look at him couple of minutes later, he is laughing like crazy! Who we are is crying, laughing and all in between, and have no preference for the mind state, only mind itself does. Mind has these ideas how to be awake, do not listen to that crap, just be like that spontaneous child. This is what is what life of nobility is about: to find peace that is beyond peace of mind.

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Computer analogy to awakening

Just like computer hardware 
doesn't really have any preference
of what program is running right now, 

Word processor or an Excel, 
it is there to hold any program, 
so is awareness holds any mind state, 
any experience, any energy movement, 
any transient world phenomena.  
The recognition of awareness in the moment 
frees one from the limitation 
of any image that created by the mind.  
Right at the moment 
there is an experience of knowing who I am, 
without doubt, clear, not covered 
by the vividness of this apparent world illusion 
that felt very real a moment ago.  
It is sort of a switch from the enticing graphics 
to the computer screen, hardware 
that in itself is a blank slate that can display 
any images of any program.
It contains all the possibilities of the technology.  
That noticing of awareness is a total system reboot.  
It takes only a split second, given that the system 
is not running too many old programs at the same time 
which slow and freeze the system 
on a current window-mind state.

Tuesday, May 29, 2018

Lovemaking as a divine transmutative experience

Lovemaking as a divine transmutative experience
is a gift available to human beings in this lifetime.
It opens them to the essence of who they are
to taste the completeness of one’s being
in the divine alchemy of merging.
It opens them to the new possibilities, 
inviting them to become a vehicle of authenticity 
in this world.

Monday, May 28, 2018

You are not your head

The thinking mind flattens mystery, creates a doer,
and makes a surrogate controller of this life.
The walking heads that each of them a center,
or what it seems to them, they live complete illusion.
The Being is never bound, 

you are not your head.

Saturday, May 26, 2018

Freedom to Be

Hey, you already free! “Yeah, yeah”, you tell me, “just another concept!”.
What if it is not? Perhaps it is in your imagination

that you are bound tight, my friend!
My own mind throws these ideas too, sometimes,
along with stories and a feeling, in no time I find myself in,
believing stories, and therefore, the limitation.

Lets see vulnerability as it’s a virtue. 
Being sensitive and know what you feel,
not running, not denying, not deflecting.  Just raw.  Whatever is.
May scare others, and even you! Or might confuse,
might be misunderstanding even!  Who cares, friend, just be.  
Relax and take your time, if needed.

The unfamiliar is scary, sure, I agree.  But how many possibilities it holds  
if you just breath, and let it be, and see. Surprise, it’s life!
Familiar or not, it is one scene of a life after another, what to fear!  
This scene, this event, a face, a character, or other.  
Just flow like a creek around boulders
that knows nothing of the next it’s turn.

You might choose usual survival role, the one that proper for the situation.
Or you can breath like a newborn, and even cry, 
and feel the overwhelm of the contracting forces.  
Whatever you decide to be is fine.
The feelings are not you and they do not describe you.
In that allowance you might find freedom, friend!

The life of human being is constant exploration.   
Close your eyes, relax your shoulders, breath.
Would it be great to have a comfort of adventure,
unknown, new? Say Yes to the experience of life!
Expansion follows the freedom, and true vice versa too.  
Just be. You be surprised that nothing needs be fixed.

Acceptance is inherent part of the awareness.  
And everything has their right to be: the virtues, difficulties, hardships, 
joy, happiness and understanding,
misunderstanding just as much!
The painting has many colours, the dark ones and the light together.
They bring the human being alive in pairs. Can you see?
Participation fully is required.  Just be. 

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

A hands-on project

A hands-on project!

I know some things in life seems not perfect 
In the sense mind see perfection,
but I know it is perfect 
as anything that exists is perfect in it’s essence.

Mind’s view on perfection is always through comparison.
Mind is the logical tool to make analysis. 
It is wonderful technology, and it does it’s job well.
So where is the bug that is hidden in a system?

Mind compares two events and makes a valuation.
The valuation of event against an event is the correct valuation.
This is the value of a human mind, to discern.
The mind is an operating system.

The error hides in the system as a virus.
G.I.Gurgieff, the great mystic of the 20th century
called this virus an organ Kundabuffer. It was implanted into humans
to veil the truth of our existence.

This is an allegorical explanation, a myth that aims to answer 
the universal question of who we are, and why we don’t know.  
Seems like a flower just living it’s purpose and 
It flowers without such concerns.

What is the virus in the mind? It’s an “I”, the phantom -
constructed, reinforced through life the notion of “me” -
the illusionary separation of being from the rest of the existence.
This mentally constructed entity becomes the faulty center.

Instead of running comparison between two events,
the mind now has a new reference point to which he compares everything.
But don’t forger, this reference point is a phantom, it does not exist!
How the valuation of the mind now can be true!?

There is a rainy day, and mind, instead of making simple valuation: “Rainy”,
diverts it’s valuation to the “I”,
Does “I” have preference for one event and not another?
The program now has an extra step, and valuation based on the illusion!

The rain and the sunshine both are equal events,
one has more water element it it, and one - more fire.
But when you add the preference of “I” to the equation, 
What mind calculates and give as output is rigged.

Please take a note of this information.
It might not change mind overnight. 
The concept of an “I” that separate from life was blindly believed for many years!
Imagine how deep the root of this illusion is! 

Whoever deep the root, can be eradicated!
You start with questioning of it’s belonging to a garden first.
Then find proper tools. Awareness is the key, 
and also a love for truth, a big one, grab it!

I wish you all success.  There is a lot of help.
In books, the teachers, videos, and such.
But as the flower will not come up by watching videos, you need to plant it,
The same is with awakening to truth,  it is a hands-on project! 

Saturday, May 19, 2018

The movie of a lifetime

By this time in life I have parted with many people.
Some of them died, some I divorced, 
from some I ran away,  some left me, 
and one walked out in his sleepers! It was in Brooklyn,1996.
He left to the store to buy some bread for dinner.
I saw him years later with another woman, walking.
We pass each other as pedestrians on the street, with no exchange.
Only I felt as I was hit by a truck. For a moment.
But I kept walking and rolling the stroller with my baby. 

The movies of our lives are incredible!  Straight from Hollywood!
Full of action, sometimes danger, adventure, some horror scenes even, 
anything that makes adrenaline move and feel as vulnerable human!
Some movies are from Bollywood!
With passion, tears, embraces and rejections!   
Everyone loves romance too much!  
“I love you!”, “No, I love you more!”
And then it turns into the Hollywood again with some
action, sometimes danger, adventure, some horror scenes even.

The wheel of maya turns without pause.  
The movie is projected the day we born as vulnerable human,
addicted to pleasure and running from pain
through all the different scenes of the movie.
We are a main character, best actor and a Star!
The movie lasts a lifetime, just play it well, goddamit,
until the end! No questions asked.
What makes you suddenly suspicious, brother, 
that what you think you are is actually not?

How that glitch happens that for a moment you see
the feeling that hits you like a truck, 
is just a part you playing, and so perfect, sister! 
What happens when you suddenly see thoughts 
are not yours, friend, but they just there?
What happens when you find the body is a vision?
This happens to some actors, suddenly we're tired.
We are fed up and take the costume off:
“Done for today, maestro”.

Well, no worries, we back and ready for adventure!  In a moment.
This lifetime, friend, is not for disembodied mind.
We can’t just leave the body like a costume laying there, unattended.
We back to it, but now we remember - it’s a movie.
Not suffering a loss, not separating and not left behind. 
Not birthing child, not aging, not dying, and not being born.  
You see, awake and living it, the human, no problem!
Until the heavy curtains shut the screen-lifetime, we are performing artists!
But in reality we are at least, performing arts. 

Thursday, May 17, 2018

Today's song

So what is the value of saying it again
and again,
and again?
It is not a choice really, to say or not to say.
It is openness to what is here to be expressed.
For some, it is every day loving kindness,
for some it is every day cooking nourishing meal,
for some it is hugs that envelop and relax,
and for some, it is speaking of what is needed to be spoken out.
It can vary day to day, it might be repeating the same message
with slight variations, nuances and flavors,
connecting one day with one being, and the next -
with the other.
We all hear and resonate with different words, different rhythms and different frequencies.
You may say: "It is so boring! How you can do it?!"
This is what I always thought about performers,
how they manage to sing the same song for a lifetime?!
I am singing this Song of Awakening for many years,
and I know this song will continue!
It all depends on the audience,
who is there to sing for today.
I always sing for those in the front row, you choose where you want to sit today!

Friday, May 11, 2018


You know what is the biggest obstacle 
on a path of awakening?  
It is the very notion that you are not awake!
It is like you are your own hypnotherapist 
giving yourself suggestions constantly:

“I need to wake up!”, “I am asleep!”, “I need help!”
Maybe better look this way:
You are fully aware of being asleep,
is that right? 
shift your attention 
to that awareness!
No need to wake up, my friend! 
Just stop hypnotizing yourself that you are not awake! 
When the hypnotherapist in you 
start to give usual suggestions, 
change perspective where to look:
in the thinking mind or 
what is aware of it.

Freedom or a fence?

We want it easy.
We want changes only to certain areas.
Please do not touch the ones that we want to keep!
Because we are afraid.
I so understand you, my friend!
Change in the middle of life is scary as hell!
You have a house with a white picket fence
and you want it to remain there.
"Can you make some miracle so I wake up,
with the picket fence?", you might ask.
Hmm, my friend, to wake up means
to wake up to all the untruth you are living.
Maybe this will not dissolve all at once,
but waking up to who you are will wake you up
to all the areas where you pretend.
This is utterly scary, believe me, I know this well!
"Is there a backroad?", you ask,
"May I keep the white picket fence, at least?!"
I really don't know, my friend.
If what behind that fence is your truth, then sure, enjoy!
But if it is a house of cards, it will fall as a tons of bricks!
Sit and ponder what you really want. Ask yourself.
Be quite and vigilant. Listen to the feeble inner voice.
What did it say?
Freedom or a fence?