Saturday, August 18, 2018

After Transcendent, Growing Up!

This one is very raw, but I don't have energy to make it better then it came out, so here it is:

We are so "evolve and awake"
that it is hard to actually be your own face,
we now have "an awake face" which hide behind itself 

your unresolved childhood, how convenient!

We went through life carrying that childhood
in believes, feelings, actions, that felt not true,
but we did not know what is true,
so we just kept hiding behind "nice" and "it's ok".

Awakening is not a mask to hide behind,
if it is not a mind trip, awakening will leave one bare.  

All the masks get cracked right through the middle, 
the pieces fall for everyone in presence to observe! 

Yes, there is a time to re-orient yourself, my friend,
you got the rest of this lifetime for that, no hurry!
But please do not put a new mask of "awake"
on your wonderfully fresh and unique face!

Know that you are porous now, 

not much needed from you, just to hang on
and go by your business.  
Everything not true in you 
will percolate through the pores of your being in time.

It may take a month, a year, or a few! Yes,
awake is not a saint! It is the same human with enlarged pores!
Awakening is an event that leaves the human very vulnerable,
though it depends on a skin type. Please smile here! 😊


See, after years of living an awakened perspective
you might come to an event where you have to step up
from behind perspective into the Being,

and see that it is not ok what was ok before!

And it is solely your mess, no one tied you,
no one held you hostage, they actually were hinting you 

all the time: "Look, I am not nice to you!  I am here to play my part, so you give up that fear, love" I am your Dharma friend!

They are here as a major help in the disillusionment,
and the longer you hold on to them, the longer you gonna sweat through the enlarged pores like a pig, d
oes it resonate?  
At least a bit?  Or maybe I made you smile! 😄

Our Dharma friends will make everything not ok,

or at least something, but you will keep disregarding the clues, 
the signs, sometimes the clear messages, the feeling!
You hold all at bay, keep being polite, keep smiling.

Then one day you grow up, 

you tell them what you actually feel, and that you got it! 
Something that wasn't possible before, is now clear.  
Being a pig for some long time helps! Believe me! 😉

We all are Dharma friends, partners, sisters, brothers,
and it is mutual support we give each other
in this strange way, but it works! Like 1000 pieces puzzle

that can be completed only by interlocking all the pieces.

The same in Maya.




Thursday, August 16, 2018

In the humane and transcendent simultaneously

I am having some vivid dreams lately, I didn't have dreams for many years, I made a speculation about it that brain had to rest after hard reboot some years ago. But lately there are some resolutions in my dreams, mostly letting go of the remains of the conforming traits and just affirming uniqueness of the character. Awakening is a vertical axis of the cross, and it is a starting point to live the fullness of who we are consciously, and maturation brings the best of the human we are, traveling horizontal timeline. This is dying and resurrecting on a cross -- the journey is not easy, but it is the most fulfilling of what is possible to live as a human!

Wednesday, August 15, 2018

Become intimate with your own mind.

Different minds have different abilities of clarity and focus, mostly it is easier to have a contemplative mind state, then the mind state of "no thought", since it is more natural for the thinking mind to think, then be empty of thoughts.

I find people have so much reverence to thoughtless mind, especially those who never really have it thoughtless. This creates a feeling in them that awakening is impossible, since many around point to awakening as having a no thought state. It creates confusion about thinking mind and what it is means to be awake. Awakening wrongly associated with no thinking.

Contemplative practices are specifically designed for those with active mind - not randomly thinking, but focusing the mind in a specific direction and remaining in contemplation about specific subjects. Buddhism and Christianity both offer this path, Natives use prayer as a contemplative focusing, great works of poetry came from contemplative mind states, great teachings are contemplative in it's nature.

Please do not chase the homogenised goose of "no thought", become intimate with your own mind, notice how it works, what it needs, how it operates, how it is unique. Become so intimate that you are not in a contradiction with your own mind, you use it as a tool, it is available to you. Learn how to use this instrument effectively. Otherwise we use the hammer to fix a computer, you know what happens next...we smash the keyboard, and end up with a piece of equipment that we can't let go off and can't really utilise properly.



Parting with someone significant

I am noticing one particular scenario
in my life story
releasing it's grip in the past two years,
one old relationship at a time.


It took years for both of us to see this is the end,
this is it, right now we arrived.
It came to a point that it hurts both of us
to continue to move in the same direction,
it is time to let go.


Disillusionment that always present
in letting go of the old, is painful.
For me it feels more as "intense" then "painful",
still, you understand me,
it is not the usual every day
dealings with people.


It is an apex of your karmic involvement with someone,
and you done a great job for each other.
The harder it was at the end especially,
the better job was done, can you see it?
The roles were played perfectly!
Worthy of the Oscar nomination!

And so in parting now,
no explanations needed.
I SEE you, my Dharma friend!!
I wish you light on your path,
and wonderful companions to walk along with,
easy terrain, and clarity of the mind.


Anything that will be explained at this point
about relationship and the break up
is not quite right,
doesn't matter how much one tries.
I tried enough times just to learn to shut up,
and let it be as it is.



It is because the explanations are on the level of events,
and the parting with Dharma friend
is deeper then events in the scenario.
So just let it be unexplained,
let it be how it is, even if it feels messy,
not nice, and not pretty.


Even if they try to hold on to you,
leave. Be as gentle as possible, but leave.
You know exactly when,
if you don't, then it's not a time yet,
you still have some scenes
to be together in, see it is simple...



I have written on this topic before in various articles,
every time it comes out a little different,
every time one more reader gets it,
they needed just this little difference in writing
to resonate fully with the words,

and understand a deeper meaning.





Another article on the same topic:

Monday, August 13, 2018

Encounter with the Pendulum Lady

This was sort of reporting to my friends on Facebook from the writing conference I was in.  There was 2 parts of the story, and I have written the last one just now.  I will post all three parts here in this blog post, starting from Part 1, 2 and then 3 in a sequence...


Part 1. Some funny story...

I am in a writing conference in my town, I thought it would be a good place to concentrate and do some editing, meet serious writers, and perhaps be inspired and write something.
The grounds are absolutely gorgeous, they hold it in one of the most elite private boarding high school in America. Yesterday we were checking in, and it was so beautiful and peaceful environment.

Today, Monday, it was really interesting day for me, a "test drive"! Everywhere I went was some commotion: in every building was cleaning service, vacuuming, or re-arranging furniture, outside was a grass cutting job done, in a library is full on demolition and renovation going on! I was just trying to find a quite corner to start working, instead I was going around the campus in circles 

I decided to go back to the room we were previously, there the writing instructor was swinging her pendulum and talking to spirits, or similar, I have no idea! We had already meditation on chakras with her before, and she kept swinging pendulum over her iphone. 🤔 I patiently sat through the chakras and talk on angels, if you know me a little, you know I am not really into all this, I am fine without pendulum and angels, just give me a quite place to write and chakras will be all good!! 😂😂


Part 2 
It has been couple of days where I am in this literary conference, and it is interesting experience, from weird to learning, and all in between. I basically quit the group I was assigned to with "the pendulum lady" I was writing about before, and never joined the one that was offered to me instead, and it was the best thing I could do for myself. I didn't have to rush to be on time in the mornings, didn't have to congregate and eat together with others, didn't have to keep the schedule that everyone was observing. I just was writing in places that would call me and when the time was up with that activity, I would find myself in a dining hall just in time for the meal, and then just in time to some lecture that would be interesting. It was a perfect flow without trying to be somewhere at a certain time.

So today I didn't go to the first half at all, I slept, I came here just in time for lunch, and then moved in the same manner to some lecture when I realised this is the lecture of the "the pendulum lady". She was presenting The Artist Way, many of you know, probably, I even had a book before, but never moved past the first page. She is not the author of the book, but she teaches the Artist Way for 15 years, as I learnt later.
She gave us an exercise to write down "3 old enemies to your creative self-worth", so I wrote them down. Later on she asked everyone to find a partner and share with each other. Surely I end up without partner, since everyone by this time all together, and I am the only one who walks and sits by myself. So I had to go to the pendulum lady herself to share my "3 enemies".

I read it to her and it happened that one of them was too important for my book progress right now, as she pointed to me, and then she said to me that she is a psychic, and she invites me to come tomorrow morning and she will do a psychic clearing for me. Sure enough she had a pendulum in her hand and a book on divinations! Gosh, you never know what you will end up doing when you move without agenda! 😅


Part 3
I just want to finish my story about "pendulum lady", since many asks what it was like the next day when I came to the clearing she invited me to. Honestly, I did not know how to write this one, it was simultaneously bizarre and fine, and I felt comfortable with both of it. I relaxed in a chair in front of her, while she was going through the "chakras", telling what she "see". She asked me if I know what chakras are, and surely I understand the concept, I even had one very strong experience with this phenomena in my second Vipassana retreat, many years ago.

At the very last day of the retreat in a meditation on loving kindness, suddenly I found myself without a physical body. What was left for me instead to perceive was these spinning energy balls of various sizes in front of what was before the spine of the body. There was a sense of "I" there present that was observing these energetic formations, and a sense of fascination, so the ego was a part of the experience. At that time I wasn't familiar with an inner inquiry, I was in the middle of the spiritual search, and surely identified with me as a seeker and a perceiver of the experience. It takes a disciplined and trained mind to inquire further in the experiences like this to see beyond the forms, even energetic. I was a novice in a Vipassana meditation, I was observing the balls of energy spinning in awe, until the experience ended. This was my first and only experience with "chakras". ( I edited here, because I remembered another experience with "chakras" in an article I wrote about the experience some years ago: "Transformation of sexual energies and the value of equanimity")
Back to the lady psychic. I don't know what she was exactly doing, my eyes were closed, and I felt a sense of comfort with her. Her voice was very light and melodic too, I just gave her all the space to do what she does, I was curious by now.
She went through the chakras one by one, reporting what she sees and clearing what she thinks needs to be cleared. "There is a lot of other's people opinions about you in the first and second chakra", she said. "People do not know, they don't understand you", and "we are going to clear all these opinions now". She invoke some angels to do the job. I was just sitting there, feeling relaxed and sinking into peace.
She went up the order of the chakras, noticing some cord on the back of the neck, to which she again called angels "to cut it". As she was going up she started to have visions herself and was telling me what she sees. "The sky blue color in front of your throat. Very fine expression", she said. "The third eye chakra is beautiful", she exclaimed, then almost chocked: "Oh, this is like a jewel, a fine clear diamond!", for sometimes she kept repeating this, then went up: "You have a very strong connection with higher self", suddenly she had a vision she started to report to me in separate phases: "Atlantis. Atlantis again. Many many lives in Atlantis civilisation. I see you in purple robe. Island of Crete. A priestess."
I tell you, before if someone would call me "a priestess" and such, I would cringe a bit, but this time I was just ok with what she was about. Bring it all :)
At the end I had a very strong energetic movement in my head and eyes, sort of very fast rhythmic shaking, there were some vocal noises that came out spontaneously too. When I opened my eyes, she asked me if I ever have been in that part of the world, and I said we were planning to go, but postponed to better financial times, and she said she weren't there neither. We spoke about my book project that was stalled for the past couple of years, and how to proceed now. Then I left.
As I was walking across the field of grass suddenly one particular memory startled me. See, I wasn't really impressed by sudden past life reading, I tend to underplay these things not to be caught up in the next fascination of the mind. But I remembered suddenly that important person in my life, my dharma partner, said to me couple of years ago, that she had a reading, a vision, that was told to her by someone, and this is exactly what she was told too: "A priestess on the island of Crete". I felt lightheaded for a moment, I had to stop and re-group my vision and direction where I was. This incident felt almost un-real and as a part of some si-fi fiction.
You will ask me what I feel about it. I don't know. I wasn't about to write Part 3, I had no idea how to write without creating more woo-woo, but it won't be honest from me to give you a story without an ending just because I don't know how to frame it, so I just did. You can take it or live it, as any of my writings, I am glad I was able to express, thats all I am about anyways. Besides, the psychic lady cleared my first 2 chakras from all the opinions, please do not put a new one there! 😆
For couple of days after the encounter with the psychic lady my body was going through some experiences, mostly it was energetic experiences with spontaneous movement and shaking, mostly of the head. Also mental images and thought forms was welling up and releasing into the space. It was difficult to fall asleep that day as the visuals and thoughts were almost exaggerated, and laying in bed, I had to hold on to my partner for this spontaneous movements to stop for a while.
This encounter set in motion some disillusionment in me regarding the book project I am in. It evoke upwelling of the fire energy in a form of feelings of anger and resentment that shook off the last conforming inclinations I was exhibiting. Fire is essential sometimes to break an old pattern! The strong feelings also subsided as the day went by, only to leave me at the end with a flair of mystery. Overall, this was such a trip with the lady with a pendulum on a literary conference. Sounds almost like oxymoron to me, but life would be boring without these strange, unexplainable encounters.
Joan with one of her clients.  I took this image from the Internet.