Thursday, July 14, 2011

Burning Imaginary "I"

Unfortunately I lost first part of this talk. Maybe it's good, because this was really grueling, almost exhausting work with my friend. Partly because I was invested emotionally, because I really wanted him to see, and it was standing on the way. As I admitted it, things started to move. So this is the end of it.

Elena: These are not an instructions. read and feel whatever you feel. Its not linear. do not look for answers from me. I am not giving you even a line that is for your head. it's all for you to look.
B: I think its start happening little by little now . when I see it just seen, when music plays its only hearing there is no thinking in a head, no analytical thinking,  it just happening  but it happens for few second here and there. when I look around there is just things- objects  that we call car, people ,birds.... if there is no thinking then it just a forms with out this names but then again its only for a second here and there names gets to this forms again......

Elena: this is not mystical state of just seeing or just hearing. It's great you have glimpses, but what you need to see only is that you do not exist.
this is not a joke. I am fkn serious. you do not exist. i am not kidding. it's that simple. everything what you are talking about - yes, part of the reality. you - not. you is just a label. Just like batman is label for bunch of thoughts. you is a label for bunch of thoughts, sensations, feelings. can you see batman in your room? no? no wonder. because it does not exist in a reality. so is the same. self does not exist in the reality. it's real just like batman in your room. can you find batman? no? can you find self? If you can, then you are lazy not to look what is really there. look.
if you can't, so what the fk is the problem? Tell me what is the problem?! 

 I had a crazy thought today that push me back  i guess . If "I" will completely surrender , am I going to be like a vegetables ?

Elena: there is no surrendering of the "I", because "I' does not exist. I is just a label. How label can surrender? tell me. tell me!  I wish you will be like vegetable, but even if you really want to, it's not possible, because you can't be like anything, including vegetable. You can't be anything. batman can be vegetable?

as of now I continue to look for truth by staring on reality, using this eyes and looking for that who is seen.....

Elena: yes, use eyes to look around and see what's fkn real and what's not;. Look around. any batmans in your room? have a table? do you really need to really stare to see the table?? no, you just glance and see it. so glance on that which you call "I". What is there? what is there??

Go. look what is that what you call "I"

Give me your best shot now. Best simple looking at the reality as it is. Its simple as looking at your wife. It's simple - you look and see that all this is Life living itself. Existence living itself. There is no you who is living this life. You is just a label. Label that points to some experience in the reality. It's just a pointer, a label, nothing more then that. You can drop it anytime - nothing will change - nothing. Life like lived itself will continue to live - nothing will change - just seeing of the reality as it is happens. You as you now just stay the same - all the good and bad and all the staff. It just it's not personal, there is no person, NO. there is life happening in all these patterning. We use this label from early years, its so sticky, seems if it drops, I will disappear. Nothing will disappear. If you drop the notion that Batman is exist what disappear? What? Nothing. Because it never existed. Same here. Look.

Drop all your assumptions about what liberation is. Read and feel what I gave you in the last couple of emails.

Take a good look and write me tomorrow.
Tell me or ask me.
Good night.

"you","self" is a label for bunch of thoughts, sensations, feelings.
B: It was a real good sentence. I am perfectly understand this , thoughts, sensations, feelings all this just happening ... I feel like an idiot now, you telling me its simple and I found this very difficult now . 

so glance on that which you call "I". What is there? what is there??
B: I can glance at the table, computer, people ...., but how to glance at "I" if its not exist? its really confusing. 

Elena: Exactly,if you really look and reeelly feeeel nothing is there - really see it for sure, not understand,not nod to the information,but really see that you do not exist, no self there with all these properties of you, just no fkn you structure,entity at all no you,no self just existence patterning as all these thoughts arising, passing, feelings,etc,nothing fuckin personal, personal becomes only when thought arise -"I" 
This "i" thought after any other thought and immediately claims the experience. “I” Just a habitual thought. But it builds the whole 3D imaginary structure which is just illusion art like santa. You don,t need to destroy santa for him to not exist, you just have to realize its an illusion.

You can not cease "l" thought, it arise on its own accord and part of the human system,but think of you as you is a joke and a lie.

B: I dont feel it yet. I understand this perfectly but dont feel it yet . there is no personal "I" its just an image , its just a label like ded moroz. I guess understanding is not enough,  I need to dive more deep into this idea of "no I " to get a real, real feeling of this "no I" .

this is not a feeling. and you can't feel it. there is no you.

B: there is no personal "I" its just an image

it's an illusion. thought that points to illusion

B: its just a label like ded moroz/santa


I guess understanding is not enough, 


 I need to dive more deep into this idea of "no I " to get a real, real feeling of this "no I" .

it's not an idea - it's true.
existence of 'I' is a lie

drop all expectations
something is holding you from seeing it
it must be either seeing what holds you or if you can't see, then must be exhausted

It's like a veil - they call it a veil that does not allow you to see. You either must burn it with intensity or slow exhaust it

so any intense emotions going on?
No? You are too good to yourself. Become angry that you can't fucking get it. can't get it when people around get it. why? because you are holding back. you holding something back.

ask yourself where I am holding back? what I am holding back? ask with all the sincerity. ask with desperation, fucking cry

then shut up.

shut up.

become really quiet

and listen

you will be given a hint
where you holding on

trust whatever comes

go there and explore

do it.

B: Hi Lena,

I hope you not give up on me......please don't.

 I am burning, i look for "I" all the time. its not exist. I cant find it . I can see all but not "me" I can see this body. not I but see it , hearing all is just happening . when I talk to people saying "I" will call you , "i" will come back , I use this "I" world but its no exist, its not "I" come back, its just this body\mind "call", come back, "wants to eat" . every time " I " use "I",  I look for it and its just not there.
I become like a zombie at the time when looking for this imaginary "I". " I" has nothing to be proved to existence, it has no attributes, I cant describe it, I cant touch it , it cant be described it cant be identified. "I" as an idea that was seeded in my mind at some point. It so easy to understand this but its hard to experience it.
 I have no doubt that I get there sooner or later but as of now I am not done yet .....


Elena: You ARE DONE. Stop being weird, B.

You just need to relax all this now. Just drop all the work. Drop it now.

You saw self does not exist. You looked under every bed - no Santa there. None.
Self never existed. Life was always lifing itself in all these patterning. You looked, you saw - no self, just a label. So why would you think anything change in regards to LIfe?  As life was before, it is now.

The unfolding of the beliefs/sankaras will continue, just will be effortlessly. You may not even notice it. When we work on sankaras on the tops - we have to burn them. When we take the root out - self does not exist, illusion - the whole structure of old believes will start to fall down, subtly, without your "working".

So just relax, please. You are done. You just have this belief, it will fall away.

Liberation is only seeing that self does not exist. Knowing it. All the other staff will unfold from here.
And you just relax and let it flow, ok?

Much love.

Please read my blog here:

It's very subtle. It will start to unroll in you. It took me 2 month to get into sanity and to relaxation to kick in. It's different for people, so just relax, NO SEEKING anymore. NO. Relax.

You can do inner inquiry now. If anything comes up - feeling, thought, just invite closer and ask what it brought to you, what wisdom it has for you. Then you just listen. Also you can go behind the filling and see if anything there, any I? Go behind and see what's there. It all will help you. Write if anything.

Elena: You dropped all the looking, ok?

Just relax.

This is no fuss, simple.

B: Lenulya, Its hard to relax knowing that I was fool to carry around this "I" for ages . 

Elena: Did you read couple of my threads with vipassana people? if not, go and read:

B: Please tell me what I do wrong.

Elena: Please read the link I gave you, then come back and ask me, ok?
The guy had the same problem. Read and ask then.

B: I just did. Goosebumps. I am done. Just have to deepening it. Thank you for your patience and babysitting.
Love you endlessly.

Elena: Told ya...