It is already awhile I pondered about having my own blog as a part of Ruthless Truth team. Because I am not native English speaker, I always had a fear of writing a content. Even after the illusion of the self was seeing through, the deepest believes remained and limited the embodiment from fully expressing itself. I was freeing people from the illusion, but was holding back from writing!
What I found in the last couple of days that the clarity won over the fear, and I decided to step up. Just as the energy in me shifted, somebody was discarding his old blog, because the name did not match him. I saw this blog before, and it spoke to me perfectly - I am a long time mediator, went through dozen of silent Vipassana retreats, was sitting in Zen. I stumbled upon Ruthless Arena one night, and got through the Gateless Gate in 5 hours. That night seeking for spiritual advancement, purification of the mind, seeking for peace and opening of the heart, fell off like a leaf. 5 hours of deep honest looking were THE BEST MEDITATION, indeed!
As for the fear, I realized that fear only exists if one thinks that there is a self who has to pock somewhere in the depth of the mind and find words, sentences; then be ready to receive either praise or disapproval. It is fear of failure, based on the assumption of the existence of the self, and that there is a me. Me is vulnerable. Me make sure everything is in a zone of comfort and control. Me separates - there are instantly me and not me, and what if those won't like me, won't approve me or mine?
When the illusion of the self is not just concept one hear, when it is Knowing, then one knows no separation, one knows no limitation. It appears as me and the other are separate, it appears that words are coming from this particular head, with this particular wiring, but in reality, there is no separation, no compartments, no thinker. So why not to express what is there? Without fear. Why not?