Tuesday, April 30, 2019

On childhood trauma

With the childhood trauma became apparent to me three years ago, I came a long way from starting releasing it unconsciously to the absolute clarity of what actually happened, how this main fixation of the personality was created. My mind suddenly got access to the files where the trauma was created when I was 5. Going further, with a few circumstances when the trauma was re-activated and pain-body somatic experience was fully released in the body, as a witness, I gained clarity on the mechanisms of it, thanks all who participated, knowingly and unknowingly: anyone who yelled at me when I would disassociate spontaneously and couldn't even talk, tried to humiliate me when I was honestly transparent, lied about me to save your public face, dismissed me when I needed help, laughed at me when I grasped for air. You were either innocently ignorant or a jerk, it doesn't really matter, because what matters is that I am really getting free from bondage of the trauma, this is a BIG DEAL, thanks for helping along! I am pretty serious about it. It is actually not that easy to release main personality fixation, just like not that easy to wake up. Takes lifetimes to have a certain mind capacity for the possibility to wake up, takes a lifetime to release the trauma so it stops replicate itself in the specific life story: circumstances, people, certain dynamics. Not guaranteed at all! I guess I was ready for the Grace. Deeply grateful to life to still be present here so I can experience this and help others