Welcome to being human

You will find more people with "arrested development" aka not grown up, unclear or with complete lack of personal boundaries in spiritual circles then probably anywhere else (maybe I am exaggerating). I don't know, but I know how suffering drives spiritual search, and the most suffering is from being lost to the basics of your own being.

Surely I know it firsthand, I would not write about it if I did not experience it myself. Some of us are just completely lost how to stand tall as yourself, because we were knocked down when we were very programmable. As my friend said, and I like the simplicity of this sentence: it is terrifying to be ok with being unliked, but how freeing that is.

Regardless of spiritual awakening, the old conditioning in the mind will run the old character's program, ask so many who woke up to oneness and transcended the illusion of being separate human being, just to find themselves back to conforming, avoiding, control, denial and etc...the list is endless. The road is not that straight as we would like it to be, it's a bit like one step forward in expending the mind, one step back to make sure the being is catching up, otherwise will end up with a head in the clouds, but standing in the pile of own sh*t.

We do not like to be told to grow up, but thats exactly what needs to be done. Many of us have no idea what "grow up" means actually, and terrified that it does apply to them, and it feels very much condescending and humiliating.

Growing up after 40 years old primarily I am ok right now with accepting that I was lost to myself all my life, with zero personal boundaries. I did not know what it is, and translated in Russian it sounded even more strange. I now have clear understanding of my own being here, my own limitations, and this makes it easy to navigate in the sea of everyday life, to what say yes and to what say clear no. But it was very difficult in the beginning, took many years of observing myself and making bold decisions to break usual old conditioning, courageously. For some time courage was my everyday energy, almost survival necessity.

I feel the presence of all the energies, and how they dance in us. I can move and not get stuck into the rigid conditioned response with the help of Air element, hold the space with an open awareness of the Ether element, feeling of the Water, steadiness of the Earth, and the vulnerabilities of the open heart burning in the element of Fire.

Welcome to being human. It's surely an exhilarating ride!