Wednesday, August 11, 2021

How to Let go of Fear of the Virus, and ANY kind of Fear

"If the fear exists, the virus is already in place.
I am not talking about creating a fear, but about consciously feeling what is already here. If you are afraid, the virus is already active. Instead of pretending it doesn't exist, realize that traces of it are always present in your life. Feel that which is here once and for all, instead of unconsciously LETTING IT LINGER IN ALL YOUR ACTIVITIES [...] It means feeling this fear of old age, disease, abandonment, FEELING IT IN THE BODY, no longer doing yoga to assuage the fear, or get married, divorced, have another child or buy a new car just to run away from discomfort - but on a contrary to consciously feel what is here."
~ Eric Baret, "Let the Moon be Free"

My own experience with fear and virus in 2020, a story:

Saturday, July 3, 2021

I really tried!

I tied to shake,

to yell,

to shock,

and to provoke,

to virtually slap,

to dance around 

stepping on the toes.

I really tried!

I cried,

I wept,

I didn't sleep,

I felt, and felt, and felt again

straight in the middle of my chest...

I really tried.

I talked to people in my brain,

I called them back into themselves,

I called them to listen not

to the TV - an idiot box

I really tried!

with love,


Friday, June 11, 2021

Deep Listening

What we are missing is real listening.

Not listening to verbal expression of others,

but listening to our feeling, feeble voice within,

slightest movement of energy.

Listening is an internal process,

deep listening is not done with the ears,

deep seeing is not done with the eyes,

and Knowing is not done with the intellect.

We have a part of humanity

that listens through the ears and eyes,

they call it listening to "science","news",data from CDC

and their own thoughts conditioned by this data.

And we have a part of humanity that gets information

by listening to nonverbal expression of the heart:

"This doesn't feel right".

These two parts of humanity

make different choices right now

that will affect their future,

our future,

the future of humanity.

Our future right now

depends on how many

will truly listen, listen to their own heart.


Friday, June 4, 2021

Most Common Fear

If I would isolate and name the most common fear we share is to appear socially INADEQUATE: just being unable to be and behave in a manner that is socially unacceptable and therefore, not approved, not liked, rejected, and disowned. This is deep tribal fear that we carry from the times when belonging to the tribe was the matter of life and death, it was almost impossible to survive alone.

We do everything to be adequate, everything - from small denials, to sucking up to those who control the community to which we belong. Having no strong principles, vague psychological boundaries from messed up family dynamics only helps to suck up and agree. For ordinary person it is easier to see through this thick, he just needs a crisis, life will re-arrange the brain naturally, and if he happens to meed a mentor at that time, he will start to come out from the delusions and prison of his own mind.
For "very spiritual", especially "awake", and especially if it happens to be "spiritual authorities" people it is monumentally hard and sometimes impossible to get out from the crystalized image of themselves as someone residing in higher consciousness. It's a threat to the whole lifestyle, their identity, their stand in comparison to other "ordinary" people, or "beginners" in spirituality. Do you see this horseshit is not real, its a pure mind creation to prop the image, to prop the "specialness", "not ordinariness". You give these people a real crisis like 2020, and where they are? In fear based living, first in line for experimental substances being shoot into their body, and condemning, disowning, rejecting from the communities those who actually were able to breath through fear, breath through mind's riddles, breath through mind's talks to itself, and stepped out of that all into the truth of their own, into sovereignty, the birthright of human being to think outside the social conditioning.
Most of the "ordinary" people are open now and looking for real spirituality, not concepts. Most of the "highly spiritual" have nothing, but concepts. Wonderful times for life to sort out who is who and where this who is going in 2,5,10 years.
May we all live the best of our lifetime, human life is so precious ❤

Sunday, February 28, 2021

Your Head is the Grundig

1 year ago I wrote this to guide my spiritual friends through the times when the virus was announced in our country. Lost so many through 2020, not to the virus, but indoctrination

We all will die,
better worry about spending
(doesn't matter how many years left here)
being fearful, scared, paranoid, and controlled
in what the thoughts you run
in between your eyebrows and your scalp...
a small space, right?
Like an old Grundig radio that we used in Russia
to catch any other propaganda, besides the Soviet,
your head is the Grundig,
and you can keep switching the channels
until you get to the one with the music.
Maybe listen to a classical concert on Youtube,
and travel with the music cleansing the fearful mind.
That music was created long ago during times of much more unknown diseases that you can imagine.
Create something timeless, create something from the heart,
un-glue yourself from the news, propaganda for masses.
Americans watched too many scary news and trillers
and had too little troubles to live through.
We are sterile and afraid of peeing in the forest,
we would hold till we reach the porta potty,
almost exploding in that plastic blue box.
Use your life force, your precious attention wisely,
and wash your hands.🙏

February 28, 2020

Wednesday, September 9, 2020

Personal TV Saga

I think what helped me in life is that in most of my life I didn't watch TV. We had no TV when I was a child, I don't remember watching it at all, my family was poor, I was born on a unpaved street on the outskirts of a very small town in Ukraine. When me and Anthony were in Budapest, I noticed very similar air, just like in Ukraine, so I looked on the map how far it is from the town I was born, and was surprised that it was not that far, you can drive by car in one day. When I was looking at the map, I did the google zoom into the street and actually found the very house I was born in, I couldn't believe it had the same window shutters and still the same unpaved road!
At about 11 we went to live in East Germany where my parents got TV left from the previously stationed military family in the house, but the programs were in Germain, I did not understand and did not watch it, mostly spent my time in school and with my friends outside.
At 16 we came back to Russia and had to live 2 years in a military dormitories where families had a room to live in and a dormitory kitchen and a common room for everyone. After dinner people would gather around one TV in a common room and watch a movie. I couldn't stand to sit in a packed, hot room smelled with dirty socks of Russian Army officers, so I again, spent my time either with friends or reading.
By 18 my parents finally got their own apartment and eventually bought a TV. By that time I was more interested in guys, dating, and teen groups to hang out, not to sit with my parents and listen their commentaries about events on news. But I would watch sometimes soccer, iceskating main championships, music, fairytales, animal and travel around the world programs.
At 22 I immigrated to USA, didn't speak English to watch TV for long time, immersed myself in caring for my newborn baby, study and into reading because I could use electronic translator with books.
In my 30th we got TV, mostly to watch DVDs through VCR, since I don't remember watching anything else, except couple of seasons of American Idol, Batchelor and Apprentice, have to say it was super interesting 🙂 And that was probably my biggest exposure to the television.
World-wide news came into my life fairly recently, after 40, through computer. But I never developed the need for news or any other programs on TV, and I am so happy about it.
Yesterday we watched the movie "Plandemic". It made a big impression on me mostly just uncovering how deep the conditioning through mass media and Google goes, how it is used as a sophisticated filter for information. When I say to people that I do not really read articles, watch news, not interested in numbers from government agencies, I am not kidding, I don't. I have very short attention span for this type of reading or videos, very rarely when I read something to the end or watch, like yesterday with this video Plandemic. And even it was interesting, I drifted in the middle of it. In all the honestly, my mind doesn't need something in it's entirety, it picks up what it needs very quickly and that's enough information, and I trust this feature.
If you familiar with Human Design, I was surprised to discover that I don't have any 1st lines in my design (I-ching energy lines describing the propensities of the mind). 1st line is about investigation, digging into available information, starting from basics, study from the beginning. Some have this energy very strongly in them, some less stronger, and it will be right for people to dig into information before making conclusions, but I have none of 1st lines. I don't need to study anything starting from basics, I can grasp the essence from any entry point. This was such a revelation for me some years ago, almost a relief of what I already knew and intuitively lived, but always felt inferior to those learned individuals who operate with data and know facts. Especially in Russia we overemphasized higher education and those with degrees wold definitely look down to those without, so most of us got degrees in doesn't matter what, just not to be left behind as stupid. Mine was Metallurgical Engineering, believe it or not!
So why I am so strong on my page about masks and other BS I see? Not because I follow news, numbers, hundreds of articles and videos, no, I have no interest, energy and focus for that. I say what I see and feel in myself, it is very raw and very innocent, and when people come back and say "You don't read information, it is a slippery slope" or "Aha, you don't read, then you can't know what is true" - these are written by people who have no idea how my mind operates, and they see it from their own perspective, having probably highly intellectual, analytical propensities of the mind to get information from the linguistic sources.
I live, observe, feel. Sometimes I do get visions, but I don't trust those, since they can be as conditioned as anything else. Sometimes I read and watch, but this is not my main source of information.
So anyways, I just wanted to say, if you want me to present you facts that prove your facts wrong, this is not my thing. Even if I post some facts sometimes, its mostly for people who need to read or watch to know. Please understand if you want me to debate anything, I am unable. Then you can conclude something like someone very popular in a spiritual scene did: "Aha, if you don't read and watch then you can't know what is true". Do whatever you want, but for me this would point that we are not on the same fractal, you don't need my insight, you will never take from me because your mind need factual information that I don't have, and therefore it is more kinder for us to part.
Have a greatest day today!
Love, Elena

Friday, September 4, 2020

Keep walking!

Anyone who suffered through life the restriction of their own sovereignty, or restriction of speech, or were not able to stand in their own center, their own authority, please know that you might bounce to another extreme at some point by momentum in the movement from being conformed ~~~~~> to being free. Don't apologize for yourself being too rigid to stand your ground, don't feel ashamed for looking a bit crazy, don't feel scared by your own strong convictions, your suddenly more deeper and powerful voice, more open throat, and more confident actions. This is very natural process, and in your case it is very rightful process of coming back to yourself, it is a life-giving movement of energies in you. 🌈

If someone who was more into themselves all their life and stood strong on their own does not recognize this life-giving process in you and start to shame you or even start to suggest you scale down your voice, speech, and actions, understand that they might feel threatened of loosing control, or they just don't know you, where you are coming from, or they really wish you well and trying to help, they can come from all kinds of places, but only you know what is life-giving for you, even if this looks too much for anyone else outside. 🌈

I use word life-giving because I feel this is the right word to describe the movement to freedom in you. It is very individual and no one outside can know what it should look and feel like, only you, so you get sensitive to that space in you that feels this, get attuned to freedom vs conforming, how it feels, how it affects your psychology, your energy, your spirit, health and so on...You become your own GPS system to navigate this very individual process. I support this in people, just like I support this in myself, it is a tight rope to walk, as anything else in authenticity in the dense social environment, but its a walk to become free <3

Keep your focus, keep to yourself, and keep walking. 😎🙏

Tuesday, September 1, 2020

What is necessary is conscience

 I know I have been radical with my expression on Facebook and the more time goes by the more I say as is, no pussyfoot around (I got this from my partner :) )

It's too many of us in the spiritual, especially nondual circles that are in denial, clicked into a sheep mode, bamboozled, just like anyone else out there on the streets. You thought you are something special? Nope, the life right now shows very clearly that you just like your next door neighbor who will never know what satsang is. He actually has more chances to survive whats coming, he at least can dig, build, and grow stuff, you spent your years sitting around the stage listening to talks.

I did not know the extent of this bamboozling until probably now. I thought I was talking here to minds that can crack open, can discern, to beings that can stand in autonomy of their own being, but probably most just can't. The neurological groves are set too deep for the neurons not to follow the set direction. These are the times of sorting out of whos mind and nervous system can change and not be enslave by social conditioning of submission, who can walk out from the old paradigm being oblivious and live by default into being fully human who is able to stand in the midth of the storm, see, feel and make their own decisions.

I was a witness of abuse yesterday when a young mother came out with her very little daughter, probably 8y.o, out of the store and the girl pull off her little mask, looking so sweet, like a true little California born angel with blue eyes and white wavy hair. "Pull your mask on", yelled the mother right besides me, she was so laud it hit me right in my heart. I stood there watching how they crossed the street and went into their car and took off. In the masks. I cried today into my partner chest, as I woke up and recalled this. It is not easy for me to see these things. And when people come here and say; there are much more serious atrocities then just wearing a mask, you don't understand that the mask its just a metaphor right now for submission, and it includes for me all the atrocities happening with humans who are naive, asleep, and enslaved by social conditioning. And why would I care so much that I put myself like that here so I alienated so many, even some of my friends?

Why we care? Because our conscience don't let us not to. G.I.Gurdjieff said something that penetrated me long time ago:

"People are very fond of talking about morality. But morality is merely self-suggestion. What is necessary is conscience."


“You must learn not what people round you consider good or bad, but to act in life as your conscience bids you. An untrammeled conscience will always know more than all the books and teachers put together.”

And yet, the bamboozling is so strong that conscience in a modern 'spiritual' man is almost nonexistent. Gurdjieff did talk about it that it is a great gift if a modern man was able to safeguard his conscience through the years of being conditioned to be a sheep of the society. I did not see it so clearly as through the times of this plandemic.

People think I am this hard-core woman that can jump on the horse and charge into the battlefield. I am not really made up for the battlefield, I have very strong feminine qualities, developing masculine qualities as I go by exercising courage to speek my truth and be myself in the middle of the world going in the opposite direction. I have a few people who support this here and on my Youtube channel. I very much appreciate you, guys <3

And if you are bamboozled: look up the latest CDC report that they released very quietly, maybe this will help, I start to doubt that I can be in any way helpful for you.

Sending much love to all, bamboozled and free.

Saturday, August 29, 2020

How many of us fell into this trap?

Paraphrased from the book: sister is a nun, she follows and supports Dalai Lama. It doesn't mean she is poor, she invested in gold, real-estate and other assets to support her mission. (by Robert Kiyosaki)

These kind of revelations not new to me anymore, but still I am shocked to know more and more that there are smart people in spirituality that did not go broke to follow their path, while so many did, trading their financial success for spiritual journey as it is two negating each other paths. How many of us fell into this trap? A lot. So I don't want anyone be blind anymore about it. All your big spiritual teachers are not poor, they actually created business models for themselves that work. They have high paid personal and business coaches, and you choose not to see that, giving your last money to be close to them and listen to their advice because you are still in that mode where you need an authority to guide you, mommy to hold your hand, or dad to scold you, or whatever the trip of your conditioned mind is. This is why I recorded on my Youtube channel ~50 videos in a month of June, pointing relentlessly to the conditioning that can be present in the minds of awake to various degrees seekers. Because I do care about my fellow companions on a path, and you might choose to benefit from it, or judge me, whatever floats your boat 🙏 ❤

Sunday, August 23, 2020

We stroll together

If you are unaware of child trafficking and how politicians are controlled by pedophilia, but successfully diverting your attention by instilling various fears and social memes to affect your mind, you don't have to look up, but you might throw up sometimes later when your senator or state official gives details in court how he engaged in these acts with little kids, without even his wife being aware of it. Of cause we all were unaware, thats fine to be unaware when the information is suppressed, how would we know about these things? We are not responsible when we don't know, but still it doesn't mean it's not affecting us, look where we are right now with our social environment. Yes, we are not responsible, but we were rolling by default into this. Whoever takes orders from officials right now without second thought is not responsible, they are oblivious and in complete denial, but it doesn't mean they won't end up in totalitarian society just like anyone else who is aware and does something to prevent this. It will be much more shocking for unaware to discover these things later on, the shock can be various in effect too, so we will see how it goes. Sometimes generation die out in denial, the level of denial is thick and spread through generations very deep. So we'll see how it goes.

Since I write mostly for people in spiritual circles, who ask me how to behold what's going on on a human level and the ultimate freedom human being able to tap into, how to marry these two without going kookoo or abandoning the intent for ultimate goal of enlightenment? I would say, start from finding your own autonomy as a human being, find your center of gravity here, feel your heart, see yourself as unique individual that is valid in all the regards like anyone else, equally equipped to play this human game, otherwise you won't be here. Can you see the significance of this firm life-giving understanding, how precious and capable you are? Everything else, all other inquiries and findings has to come from this very firm place in yourself, then you won't be swayed by anyone else's ideas of you and will be not submissive and conforming so much that your eyes, mind and heart would be shut.

Finding freedom is not intellectual endeavor, though it can start with mind opening to the bigger perspective, it has to land into the whole being, trickle down to the cells, transforming one on all levels of being. When you transformed on a deepest level you can behold any of the human happenings and you can serve as a troubadour, a guide, a leader to others, so take your time and do the inner work first before you jump to help others, otherwise you will be troubadour right out of your own conditioning.

While you are working on your own heart and mind, look around who resonates, and become their companions, not followers, but walk with them until you don't resonate, no attachment, just pure walk through life as friends through the park. I have a few companions, we stroll through these life's visisitudes, supporting each other just being near by and keeping the smile while we are strolling through knowing more and more about this very environment we live in these bodies. We learn about corruption, greed, destructions, deception, lies, we understand that this is what's happening and some of us choose to talk about it, and some of us choose to help in a different way. This is not the mind that chooses, we came here with a specific intent which is unfolding as our life here right now, and we just take the mind out of the way of that intent. Look for who likes my posts through thin and thick and you will know who stroll with me. Not many, but its enough, and we smile to each other through the globe  

Friday, August 7, 2020

Touching and Connecting

 We made this video to connect people around the World

 in Joyful, Life Affirming Project during difficult times.

It touches my heart ❤️ to see your faces

in so many countries around the world!! 

I am grateful 


Watch this video on Youtube:

Saturday, July 18, 2020

A letter to my people

Editing to "5 min or less" video that didn't save 3 times :)

I am looking into how to wrap up my video project that I did unceasingly for the last 45 days or so, it feels much longer, it took all my attention. Sometimes it was bliss and sometimes it was very trying, especially editing various videos to a 5 min or less format that came suddenly to me in a vision 🦉
I could spend 2 hours to cut out and edit a piece of a video from a longer video and then Youtube would not process it correctly, and the changes would be gone. It happened to me on one particular little video 3 times, you can calculate how much effort was in that trying. The last time it was yesterday, and I just deleted the whole thing and did the other piece that came out today "Living in a Head?". Sometimes you submit to the forces beyond your comprehension, for whatever reason that stubborn piece didn't want to be and escaped every time I tried. 🤡
I have a lot of patience with some things, and no patience at all with other things. I went to bed yesterday feeling in awe how these types of things when you work for 2 hours your efforts disappear because of the technology, three times, doesn't evoke any emotion, and other things like seeing yesterday on a beach a young mom in a mask with her little child on her lap looking at her, trigger emotion. What I see is deeper things and I can't help myself to bump into a thick wall of old crusty collective conditioning. 🤖
I am adjusting to live in the world when the world gone mad and its also visual, didn't I live in USSR with Lenin on every forehead and repeating the same slogan to keep reinforcing what was imposed on supposed to be free man? "Save Lives" and other slogans that are introduced right now remind me my old life, and how easily and wholeheartedly a human mind believe and follow. I don't even want to think about what's coming. 👀
I know I was born for these kind of times when I keep living freedom I found and express it to others, without any agenda, just expression of my own freedom, my experience as a human, and anyone who resonate welcome to read or listen, for whatever reason you need it. Just please help me sometimes and share it with someone else if you find it helpful, like it if you find it worthy to watch, share it if it touched you. In the universe of technology we depend on algorithms, if no one click that thumb up, you get invisible to people, simple and complex matter at the same time. 😶
So coming back to my video project. I am going to wrap it up, but not sure yet how, I am like a paraglider that catches the wind to go into certain direction, I am gliding still waiting for a breeze to take me in. I hope to make a video every week and continue to put out " in 5 min or less" project out, but need to expand my attention on other things in my life that are waiting.💼
I very much, very much appreciate anyone who is on a ride with me, who help by commenting and liking, sharing these videos for others to be visible in a sea of information. I appreciate you guys who wrote to me personally with your experiences, who felt me close to you when watching, who felt connected, who expanded their mind and heart along with me 😘 🙏