Saturday, November 5, 2011

Fear was really a Fire for Looking

  • Elena: hey, friend. What is "I" for you? tell us.
    18 hours ago 

  • Sudheer:   Hi Elena,After reading blogroll, this concept of "I" is being chipped away slowly. I get the "no self" conceptually but I have lot of fear since I started looking with real honesty. What does this entail if liberated? Would that be disappointment? I expect lot of things (no fear/anxiety/shyness etc) and it'd be funny if there is no "I" anymore to receive these expectations :)

    Right now, "I" is the sensations that come up when there is an internal dialog (thoughts) comes up. Like "I am typing this". Then, immediately another thought arises that says where is this "I". Then arises a feeling of some solidity around my upperbody that shouts out "this is me; I am the cause; I am the center and things are happening to me". I know this "me" is not reality but it feels like real real. I also feel like I am at the edge but its not fully there. But, I have stopped analyzing the topic too much and started just looking/seeing for where the "I" might be with much more attention. 17 hours ago   ·  1

  • Elena: Do not run from fear. Invite it and ask where it points you? WHat it wants to tell you. Seriously. Sit quietly and tell the fear to come and tell you anything it wants you to tell. As you stop analyzing, its great. So she down this analyzing. And just listen to whatever will come when you ask the fear. Really do it, and then come back and tell what you found.
    17 hours ago 

  • Sudheer:   Fear points towards the possibility of loosing the "me" story, past, present and future. I have a comfortable life just chugging along with relative ease and not too many risks. And, how about all these years spent in self-improvement and now possibility of realizing that there is never such a "person". At the same time, I also wants this liberation as of more self-improvement and afraids that the gate would never appear. It also eagarly anticipates the day where "I" can be seen as in third person. "I" also fears and doubts the quick liberations and thinks its not so simple, or even if it is simple, it will be not for me.
    6 hours ago  

  • Elena: It's all comes from your mind. Analyzing. Nicely put, thought. Go deeper.Go into the body. Feel fear, where it is. Allow it to come closer, even closer. So you feel the fire in your bones, ok? Then start to look closer into your experience what is real and what is not.
    5 hours ago

  • Elena: Here how you do it: you choose an object in your surrounding that you for sure now - it exists. Like your table or a chair or window - anything. Hold this object as your anchor. This is real, you know it. Then everything else start question, look at your body and compare against the object of your reality - your anchor - it is that vivid, is it clear, does it exist? So you compare table, body, thought, feeling, "self" - anything that comes up to your anchor. If anything feels vague, not clear, look again, look if it is possible to break it into parts and compare those parts to the anchor. Write dow everything here.
    4 hours ago

  • Sudheer:   As I type on this keyboard, it is real. The mug over there is real. Falling rain sound is real. Chill in my bones is real. Body moving as if it knows what to do is real. Why "I" am needed. Elsewhere, you said "look for unicorn" in the room. A few intense seconds of looking and letting go of looking happened. There is nothing to look anymore, "no unicorn" or "no self". I am not going to find something that doesn't exist, am I. No need for approval anymore. It seems so simple, a subtle shift. I really don't know this will stick, but I have seen clearly that there is no self. I really don't have much to say because there is nothing to be said. Just a human traversing its environment, just lifing.
    about an hour ago  

  • Elena: that's it. it is simple. Stick? nothing needs to stick. Life was before when "I" thought to be very real, life is the only what is - in any way it is lifing - l-i-f-i-n-g: in any way - it's only life. If there is a perception of "I" there - it is only a perception, a dream, a thought, a belief. But this is also life living itself in this particular unfolding. will you look and tell me if there was you in any shape or form in the reality before? Except in the form of a thought? Look. now.
    39 minutes ago  

  • Elena: what do you see?
    39 minutes ago  

  • Sudheer:   It is easy to let go of this old friend now. There was never me, it is just a deeply ingrained thought/somatic pattern that propped itself as "I". "I" before felt like the whole being, which seemed to arise even before a thought is registered - it was so ingrained. Now, this is seen as it is, a fleeting thought. No need to identify with it anymore.
    26 minutes ago  

  • Elena: very good, my dear friend. that fear, it was really a fire needed for looking :)
    24 minutes ago  

  • Elena: dow does it feel to be liberated?
    23 minutes ago  

  • Elena: and liberated from what? tell me
    21 minutes ago  

  • Sudheer:   nothing really changed. there is just the recognition that there is no need for "Sudheer:  aka self" to take ownership of this life. life just happens, body moves, thoughts arise reacting to the environment, it all happens like a well oiled machine and of course a few billion years of evolution helps.
    12 minutes ago  

  • Elena: There is so much gratitude for you, my friend, for diving in spite of the fear present, into looking, into real discerning what is real. Thank you, my friend! Hugs!
    8 minutes ago 
    • Sudheer:   Thank you for being there and your blog is of tremendous help to cut though the bs.
      4 minutes ago  

      Sudheer:   Here is a comment you made to Rachel R. that hit me like thousand bolts "Ok, if i tell you to find unicorn in the room, would you? No. Because you know it does not exist. so why YOU KEEP LOOKING for self???"
Elke Heinrich