Saturday, August 6, 2011

Gratitude and Laughter!

Hi Elena,  
I’ve read a few of your threads—been poking around for a few days.  I’m a longtime seeker, longing to finish (this phase, anyway).  I’d like to work with you.  Got time?

 I’ve been asking “what’s here?”.  There’s the experience of sensations, thoughts, extended daydreams where “I” seem to be the glue that holds the focus there.  I feel spacious & neutral, then the “I” concept seems to arise, thick & solid—sometimes I follow it for a while, then recognize that & ask again, “who? What”.  I’m wondering if this is all still just in the mental level.  When I read your question “can you find yourself in any form?” I would have to answer something like “space” or “everything” or “awareness”.  The next moment the thought of what “I” need to do about some situation, and the more solid feeling.
 Pointers appreciated.  Thanks.

Elena: I have somebody for you, Linda.  A woman, she will point you. I just have too much on my hands right now, so will be good if she will work with you and give you all the attention. Hugs, Elena 

Linda working with Viv. Look here.

A week later.

Hi Elena—you passed me on to Viv to work with SEEING.  Much gratitude.  What had been a concept for decades (no-me) was actually seen.  I now notice a flip/flop from “open awareness” to getting involved in the me-story, then slipping out of me-story, over & over.  I’ve been listening to old Tolle CDs, which feel much richer, deeper than previously.  Loving this.
Love, Linda

Linda, Great!!!!' love ya!Linda, can I ask you for a favor for the benefit of other people. Can you write where you found my blog, what spoke to you, and what you experience now in comparison when you started with RT help. I appreciate this so much and it will be of service to many people who will read, and maybe decide to look. Do you think you can do it?

A friend (we’ve been floating around the same seeker circles for some time) sent me links to RT, your blog & Viv’s.  I really related to your stuff—RT felt angry & harsh to me, though I read a few conversations & it got me started on fierce looking.  It took me a few days of reading to ask you to work w/ me—then the pass to Viv.  I wasn’t sure I’d connect to Viv—wrong again.

I had been seeking for decades—12 step, Sufi, Advaita—which all point to the goal of relief from the bondage of self.  I knew all the words—said them often—you aren’t who you think you are, no-self, only oneness, Unity,  False Sense of Authorship…the intellectual understanding was present, but I never really experienced freedom from the sense of “me”.  The “me” was still (subtly & secretly) expecting a big experience of Silence, or Unity (that “me” experienced), or something different from the ongoing unfolding of life. From the reading & looking, I began to see that the sense of “me “ was just a thought form—I could see it arise & attach to most any situation—my feelings, my actions, my plans, etc.  I think the thing Viv said that popped things open or solidified the understanding was:
The reason that you don't get the big emptiness you were looking for or expecting... is that 'I' has always been a thought. Nothing actually changes.  It's ALWAYS been a thought. All that is different is that it is seen AS a thought.”
So what’s different, now?  More relaxation, not taking EVERYTHING personally, more excitement about seeing life unfold, relief in really seeing that life will do what it does.  I still experience the “me” thought arising & attaching, then the attachment slips away again, over & over.  I still want to throttle people from time to time.  I still have most of the same thought streams running.  There is a softer seeing of all this—more spaciousness around whatever is arising, maybe.  And there is humorous surprise that “it” is so ordinary, so no-big-deal, and yet so shocking.
Much gratitude for your willingness to serve so many, or one.  Hope this helps.
Love, Linda