Wednesday, August 24, 2011

My idea about bliss and enlightenment vanished, it's gone, the appreciation of life is something immediate, it is NOW!

Hello Elena,
The search is the last months very intense.

There is no self/Lars to find, it seems so clear ........yet there's a blind spot: the thought comes up that I have to go
through a door to make the shift, that brings me to the thought: no way because then you project in the future!

So I guess there's a understanding on the rational site, yet there are moments of no self, afterwords the thought comes up
where was I?

Also there's the feeling I'm conceptualizing the Advaita pointers too much, too much thought.

When I paint or make music there's no self, but there should be in all activities no self, 

Can you help me Elena, please ask anything you want to know! I'm online everyday (not 25-28 august in retreat)
Warm greetings Lars

Elena: You saw that self does not exist when you paint or you play - it's just movement - vibrational movement of creation. What form it takes, who cares.

Now you need to show the mind this realization. What happens that you fall into no self state when you start painting, and you have no idea how you got there, and mind is not registering what's going on. Hallmark of no self state is no thinking - just flow, so when you come back its like mind was under amnesia.

What you need to do is to point mind to this. How? By comparing what is real and what is imaginary. Have nothing to do with no self state. So yo need to look at the reality as you are just born, fresh. Does baby has a self when it opens its eyes and moves to mother's breast? Or it's sensations and feelings of hunger and then body moves?

When you feel inspiration and move to take the brush and you become a brush, a song, is there a manager to this movement in Creation?

Look in this direction - look if Life requires an entity to perform actions, or actions are movements in consciousness/creation.

Look that "I" is just a thought that comes after the experience, action, and grabs the experience and creates an owner, imaginary owner - "I" breath. I breath? Well, when you are asleep do you do breathing or it's just           b~ r~ e~ a~ t~h~ i~ n~ g  ??

Life patterning in breathing
Life patterning in drawing
Life patterning, Life happening as music, as playing, as bodying, as sensations-ing, as feeling, as thinking...

There are no nouns, only verbs.

look. take a deep good look what's really going on


Hello Elena,

I never now when I start painting or doing anything else, realization that when I wake up
the world is starting in ME is such a mind blowing reality that indeed through thought there
is the false creation of a me/I so I can say: I'm awake and it's Saturday

What you say about open eyes, YES!! it feels like I see the world every time again.
Every morning I go to work (home care in hospice, place where people come to die, mostly due to cancer)
I look and everything is different, different colors, people, different everything! And then there's the
thought: all this, all this people on feet, bikes, cars, metro are that one consciousness, through the illusion
of separate entities, this I see very clear!

Is there a manager in the movement of creation? Always thought there was, these days I'm about to
say NO, there's not. This changes the whole idea of the Artist and his inspiration!! HAHA bullshit!

No If you ask me why I started painting in 2003 I just can't answer, I was doing something with
Japanese tea bowls and felt the urge to make some drawings, and there it was, serious the next year
I stopped working (full time indoor sales) and was a student at the art academy. 

This just happens, finding a gallery, and now the second one, it just happens, there is no I who 
can control anything!

So what I'm going to do is take a good look on this and report back to you!

Thank you for doing this Elena!
hugs Lars

Look not general in life, look at your immediate experience

Hi Elena,

Immediate experience is that what never stops, I can talk general, but that is done without a I
I think that everything is direct experience, because there is a body named Lars he can
communicate with a another body Elena, this is my immediate experience, there's the idea
of you and me, but we are one, that what triggered you to contact me, and that what
triggered me to work with you, that's immediate, for me also a direct experience.

But maybe you refer to something else, is there a clue you can give me about this
direct experience?

The world is not the same for me, yet the world never changed, thinking about
the concept Lars, a boyish man from 37 makes me laugh, he is a sheakesperian role
on a stage, the more and more I'm realizing: I AM, that is not a person, it is not a self

Immediate? please feel free to ask me anything you want to know

Realization/enlightenment seems to be the last concept, the last ego projection, the holy grail
but!.... life, doesn't it live by itself? Elena, I can go to another Guru, satsang, read a another book, meditate
etc, but isn't that a movement away from live itself? This body ......yes it breath and that heart beats without
a effort, that brain works, and no matter what, Lars is looking: is there a do-er, is there an I who runs the show?

I can't find it Elena, immediate is this now sitting and typing that is what it is right now
there are two fingers typing,

This thought comes up now: what is there more than this? The shift? The final realization
You now this story there's a bar in the bar there's a print: tomorrow free beer!
Elena is there anything I can do? So yes looking at the immediate, this is immediate
right now, fingers typing this, thoughts arise, they disappear, light on the table

My body starts to relax, I'm in a sort of not-knowing, Lars is a fiction, that what
makes Lars and you and everybody else possible must be real?

And during our work, I don't read advaita and don't go to the face book forums
Looking at direct experience is what I do!

Till the next one!
Love Lars

Did you ever existed?

Hi Elena,

NO, there was a body born in 1974, parents called him Lars, though as a direct experience there is awareness, there are eyes who see
that what moves the body is there, that is not Lars, it's not an I

The liberation I feel right now is that I still had the idea that I should go somewhere to get that last clue to enlightenment
Like that retreat, a future event, a Guru who says keep looking till you see, good intentions sure, but it's always
a movement away from now, your question about the immediate was so in tune with me being tired of looking!!

Did I ever existed? I thought I did, but thought is thought, lars is thought, body is real, life is real, that what makes us doing this
is real, persons not, they are fiction

So looking in the world talking to my friends, thinking about my ex-girlfriend doing work in the arts, is all done
without a somebody doing it,

paradox, crazy wild like being a baby again, there is a freshness to everything, the amazing part is that
I always somewhere new this, but the mental energy I spent in the illusion of being person Lars was a lot

now it's falling away, the freshness, the beauty remains, the aliveness remains!

Elena isn't this it?

what is the expectation? What you expect to feel? How it should be? What should change?  Look honestly and ask. Ask. You know this. You just never asked. SO do not ask me, just ask these questions. Be absolutely honest. As if I tell you you should pull out only answer that 100% true, otherwise there will be no ability to paint and play anymore - that type of honesty. No less.

yes Elena I will ask myself this and come back to you later must chew on this one with complete honesty!
hugs lars

the expectation of bliss and being something else after enlightenment. but now right now i feel perfect and see that there could,nt be anything else then this
I,m not a person. I,m life itself so it,s clear!!! thank you for this
wonderful you are for doing this

Yes, life always l- i- f- e- d without a self, so life is just continue to l-i-f-i-n-g :) And bliss is not from not having problems, but from appreciating what is, here, right now. If one really see "I" is just a label to the experience - any experience is worth of appreciation. Appreciation is bliss:)

And conditioning will start to fall away, because there is no glue - "I" to protect. 

Dear Lars, what is going on for you now? So I can see clearly where you are.

Hi Elena,

Right now I am where I always have been, but It took some years to get there, and that is even not
the right way to put it: I've never was anyplace anywhere else, I always was awareness/ consciousness experiencing
life without a person inside. I already knew this for some time, but thought came up with the idea I need recognition
from a teacher, or you!

Working with you is the last pointer for me: I know this because I AM this!! nobody can tell me, because there is nobody!
The retreat is booked so I could end up there, but even that I don't know, there is nothing I can tell about the future, I don't know!

My idea about bliss and enlightenment vanished, it's gone, the appreciation of life is something immediate, it is NOW!


When a Guru tells me about enlightenment, the right questions, bhakti, and all the stuff, I think: who is there to get enlightenment
if there's nobody there what is the whole idea about enlightenment anyway? 

Realizing there's no me doesn't mean I should behave weird, or should behave cold and without empathy, no just be who you are
do your work, talk to people, enjoy yourself. The expression of life itself is with compassion and love but also sometimes with
war and hate and anger........yes it is like that, thinking that you can be in bliss all the time? no way, there's also sadness, there's
frustration, and all the stuff, but without an I those things come by like clouds, the good and the bad stuff just are clouds passing by!

So what to do with all those advaita books? Give them to others who still need to read! I really feel like not reading those
books again, about other people who tell me what they know! Instead I can read a biography from Chopin or Lucian Freud
Or a comic book, or reading nothing for a while!

The beautiful thing about this is that somehow you and I (which is language of course) found each other, and in
no-time there's this work, and it's the last pointer, the last time I 'need' to ask for help

There is just ONE, never been any different!

So how am I right now?

Like a newborn, fresh and bit uneasy, but also what I already was, this is about losing an illusion, not gaining new spiritual information!
I've to tell my guru that I don't have any questions anymore. Not being a seeker anymore, it's crazy and super normal at the same time!

The whole idea what made being a seeker, was that I thought there was something to find, realizing there's no I to begin with, than there's nobody
to get enlightenment, and seeing this makes that all the questions burn away, and what is left? Life itself, Lars is part of life, lars is life, life
continue itself without effort, paintings will be done,and the rest

This is how I feel right now Elena!

Your wonderful right the way you are!

Hugs Lars

wow. All good with you, my friend. Let me write to you tomorrow more. I was busy today. But I so much appreciate your writing and let me talk about paintings tomorrow! I am adding you to a group with very silly name, you will laugh!:)
Much love.

hi Elena

Yes it is good here realization that i'v always was this, gurus need students who keep thinking they miss something!
but what the hell is there anyway to miss?
feel free to use this material

let,s keep in touch and talk about art and anything else!
and thank you so much for doing this!!
big hug from lars

Hello Everybody, wonderful! to be here. The nakedness, freshness over every moment, no self, thoughts come by, no problem, subtle changes come by
people look at me, strangers give a smile, my body relaxes, I feel like a newborn, and yet everything is the same, no fireworks, just being here!
See that there is just one! Today I called 'my' 'Guru' and said: there are no more
questions, he said: OK, that's fine....Never had a clue it would be today 22 august!