Monday, October 22, 2018

Better grow up before you wake up!

I might get scolded for this one, its alright, 
I used to it already for many years of resistance
from all kinds of people and groups that want to keep
their philosophy or methods to be unquestionably correct.

I do not pretend to know, I am just laying out what I came 

to experience in my own life, and surely, it can be subjective,
please keep this in mind that everything I write
aim only to specific people, with whom it will resonate.  
And I never know with whom beforehand. 

If something does not resonate with you, please know:
you are right.  You are right, because it is right for you,
and only you can know what is right for you, 
trust it.

I also want to say, that you being right does not make me wrong,
this is where all the debates fail: it is inclusive reality,
so instead of focusing on incorrectness of something, 
notice that you do not feel a resonance in your being, thats all.
No need to label it as wrong.

So today I wanted to present this hypothesis,
and it is also the experience from my own life.
This is about spiritual practices that have equanimity in its core, 

that they are actually not really beneficial for some people.

Maybe that was too strong of a statement.  Let me rephrase:
they might be not beneficial for some people 
at some point of time.  And I explain what I mean by that.

Maybe you heard before, I surely did, that it is important
to have a strong healthy ego before you actually 

trying to dissolve it. I never understood this fully until now.  
I guess I never had a healthy strong ego, I didn't know what it is.  
I mostly was who you wanted me to be, sad as it is sounds, 
there are many of us, we were squished into some character we accepted to be, out of survival, perhaps in an early childhood.

It is actually utmost important that the aspirant is fully adult,
and it is not only by age, but psychologically.
Surely we are work in progress psychologically always,
but I want to emphasise the importance of a developed healthy ego.
It is indeed better to grow up before you wake up!

I noticed on myself and others, who carried or still carry
conforming qualities in the character, 
who try to smooth things out,
who carry the smile that aims to avoid confrontations,
training in the methods 
of meditation and inquiry that lead to acceptance and equanimity, leads more 
to apathy and passivity, instead of reality and truth.
Passive acceptance and avoidance to act is common outcome,
leading to feeling depressed and lifeless.

If you layer this with transcendent experiences,
if you happen to be in a non-duality, the road is very bumpy,
as so every rock on the road is there for you to trip on
and fall your face on the ground, bleeding, 
so you finally pick yourself up and stand up tall, 
without that nice smile to the whole world 
that aims to cover suppression and mantra:
"There is nothing to do.  Life is happening"

Awakening did not brought permanent relief of suffering in me
until the conforming character was clearly seeing and released.
You know, I saw so many of similar faces and tensed bodies
in different satsangs and gatherings, they were there with a hope
for spiritual experience to fix their pain of separation
from the truth of who they are.

Awakening gave me a space to see the mess in me,
it gave me courage to look into it, otherwise it probably 
was too scary, because there was no way I would look 
straight into my own face, covered by years of conforming.
Awakening opened that chance, to be real, to be who I am,
in absolute, and in humane simultaneously.